tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22640049702762045662024-02-19T07:17:59.502-08:00Joy Ubani Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-26135066985290716772024-01-24T16:54:00.000-08:002024-01-24T16:57:41.557-08:00It's time to leave survival mode.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisjR6V8sfY8vbrrmxaIvcV3h7QlCGe0bACPi-Pjm7eF9vIKnONMm75sWCpg7HTUGx75g5hyDNMWe4r0VZ2FPIUwbOZlcINVgi2AUvEeVWrZsjDklBCVaUXvbtwmdQ8j0c71WKCoS2lqwDgGJjBe_T-ppJDQXwYd6G_9w9fQIJEeEiegz2Cl7T5jHg6NwI/s2048/joy%20pivot%20and%20thrive.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="427" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisjR6V8sfY8vbrrmxaIvcV3h7QlCGe0bACPi-Pjm7eF9vIKnONMm75sWCpg7HTUGx75g5hyDNMWe4r0VZ2FPIUwbOZlcINVgi2AUvEeVWrZsjDklBCVaUXvbtwmdQ8j0c71WKCoS2lqwDgGJjBe_T-ppJDQXwYd6G_9w9fQIJEeEiegz2Cl7T5jHg6NwI/w640-h427/joy%20pivot%20and%20thrive.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif;">Do you feel like you've been operating in surival mode?</span></span></p><p><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;">If you answered yes, I have something for you.</span></p><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;">The newest Pivot & Thrive podcast </span><a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3efuoDOt7yLZ7NxZZJjZYt?si=97e2f4258d794605" style="color: #007c89; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" target="_blank">episode</a><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;"> is out (finally!! insert two-step as I casually dance in excitement), and it will help you unpack </span><em style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">why</em><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;"> you've been in survival mode, and identify which needs must be met before you can transition your way into operating in the fullness of you.</span><h1 style="text-align: left;"><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3efuoDOt7yLZ7NxZZJjZYt?si=97e2f4258d794605" target="_blank">LISTEN HERE</a></span></h1><div><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;">I had a conversation with one of my mentors who asked me if I'd been able to identify why my output hasn't felt as significant as it has in past years. Because I thought deeply about this for months, I immediately responded, "well, it's because I've been in survival mode. I haven't had what I needed to do this work</span><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;"> </span><u style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><strong>well</strong></u><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-size: 12px;">."</span></div><div><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /><span face="arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs theorizes that in order for us to really thrive, and reach a place of fulfillment or self-actualization, we need to fulfill our needs in order of priority -- basic needs before advanced needs. </span></span><strong style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Which of your needs must you prioritize right now</strong><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>? Is it a need for safety, financial security, self-confidence, or a need for belonging and acceptance? </strong>For me, it was a need for acceptance (among a few other things). We'll unpack my own journey later, but I recognized that my behavior was motivated by my psychological needs first which overpowered my desire for impactful output and success in certain areas.<br /><br /><strong>Essentially, when what we're actually doing is incongruent with what we <em>want</em> to do, this is an indicator that our basic needs are not met. We're fighting for our lives.</strong> Enter: survival mode. Let's talk about it. This episode breaks it down and guides you to </span><span face="arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 12px;">explore your true needs.</span></span><br /><br /><span face="arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Instead of forcing yourself out of survival mode, instead of participating in sleepless nights wondering why your ability to dream has been stifled, practice giving yourself extra grace. It's nomal to experience pause when we're in an internal place of strife. </span></span><br /><br /><strong style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">From this episode, here's what (and who) I mentioned:</strong></p><ul style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif">Matthew 17:20-21 -- <em>"For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."</em></span></span></li><li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif"><a href="http://pivotandthrive.co/" style="color: #007c89;" target="_blank">1:1 Coaching with me</a> -- If you need support and therapeutic direction in working through your experience of survival mode, let's talk. I'm here to support you.</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size: 12px;"><span face="arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/debrachosen/" style="color: #007c89;" target="_blank">Debra Chosen</a> -- she shares thoughtprovoking insight on personal develoment. Check out her writing, posts, and podcast.</span></span></li></ul></div>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-29121655178111728412024-01-04T21:18:00.000-08:002024-01-04T21:18:21.011-08:00Take the pressure off of yourself to have it all figured out right now<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk1e1Wii6nqFMMVZflHy44umzUffjE4Zv_mwdbqaYmWGdGV8dtE-xjGUzAgO4xw6HLBhopEwyASEGfqW_9iMg4251beq4ec3NXwzE2Uz2v0v6wmJJxl-Tq09-6hGr79pgg-DGLPYar4z4XV609lMgeUaWAyb45RLQnlUuo-vivW-wmpseLwQquF7jLnSA/s4032/IMG_9811.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk1e1Wii6nqFMMVZflHy44umzUffjE4Zv_mwdbqaYmWGdGV8dtE-xjGUzAgO4xw6HLBhopEwyASEGfqW_9iMg4251beq4ec3NXwzE2Uz2v0v6wmJJxl-Tq09-6hGr79pgg-DGLPYar4z4XV609lMgeUaWAyb45RLQnlUuo-vivW-wmpseLwQquF7jLnSA/w480-h640/IMG_9811.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can I share something that felt liberating (and made me cry)?</span></p><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">During a session with my therapist, I openly and very light-heartedly shared a list of critical decisions I just </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><u>had</u></strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"> to make about major next steps in my life. </span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">While I was smiling and speaking, she sat quietly on the other side of the screen, waiting for a chance to finally interject.</span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">I finished and smiled at her even wider, all while cleverly avoiding eye contact. There was nothing she could ask me that I wouldn't have already thought about. I waited....</span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">She breathed out and said, "well, all this can explain why you're experiencing insomnia... </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Joy, you are asking yourself some very hard questions</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">."</span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">I stared at my screen where our eyes finally met. After being in therapy on and off for 7 years, this was only the second time I cried in front of my therapist. Hearing those words felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. It felt like </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">acceptance</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">. It felt like </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">understanding</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">. It felt like I could finally see myself, and give myself grace for both the internal and external work I'd been doing for the last year.</span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Do you know how good that felt? Whew. The tears suddenly flowed as I let myself be embraced by understanding. I felt like I finally received the </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">permission to be stressed.</strong><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Often, our bodies will inform us that something is too heavy for us to shoulder before our minds even dare to recognize it. We externalize this in either fight, flight or freeze mode. We may take </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">flight</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"> from our "hard questions" or burdens by escaping into long boughts of sleep (and calling it a daily nap) or extended vacations; in our </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">freeze</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"> we might experience physical symptoms of anxiety where our heart rate increases, we feel butterflies or get analysis paralysis, or we may go into </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">fight</strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"> mode. At the time, my body elected to fight which manifested in the form of sleepless nights. Have ever you experienced any of these responses? </span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">I thought deeply about my therapist's words --- I </span></span><em style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">was</em><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"> asking myself some pretty hard questions. I demanded of myself critical answers. And I was unrelenting in placing immense pressure on myself to perform well in this next stage of my life.</span></span><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;" /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif;">I often remind you that you don't need permission. But in case you needed to </span></span><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">hear it right now: </span></span><strong style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></strong><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>you can take the pressure off of yourself to have it all figured out right now. </strong>You have full permission to listen to your body -- what is it trying to communicate with you? Can you rest? Can you breathe? Can you hold a little more loosely to the idea that you have to make the perfect decisions right now?<br /><br />In moments of unrest, too much rest, or futile rest, affirm this:</span></span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></span><ul style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><li><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">You have what it takes to see yourself win.</span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Everything you desire is well within your reach.</span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">All your needs are supplied in overflow.</span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica neue, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">You are divinely connected and the right doors will open for you.</span></span></li></ul><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif;">xoxo,<br />Joy<br /><br />P.S. I've finally begun taking new clients for 1:1 <a href="https://www.pivotandthrive.co/" style="color: #007c89;" target="_blank">coaching</a> (yess! the site is live!). If you are eager to use your voice, grow in confidence, and get radically clear on your next steps in your career, journey with self, or relationships, let's chat. I have just a few slots open for August and September, so if you want to grab a seat with me, click <a href="https://www.pivotandthrive.co/" style="color: #007c89;" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></span></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-67596624089338755002023-06-22T11:20:00.001-07:002023-06-22T11:20:05.789-07:00You Are Allowed to Have Emotional Range<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfnF7Hzga6Fgh5EnBKYJQ9WTntN0KAKw-pjS53wYwZ12AlA8mDP6kqCi1JHUm6dvicyn5tJjSAc4_9pW9HV8PHuUrVHNBaGbzEk08_1l1F0vCTMNOBznmGDUfAcgFP0YHSv-nE9vjDkk-u3sFoHn8GHClyDeIPhEMNXuVziWCGHkKBZLS4Xcm-z2de4bg/s5923/GC8A6780.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="5923" data-original-width="4739" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfnF7Hzga6Fgh5EnBKYJQ9WTntN0KAKw-pjS53wYwZ12AlA8mDP6kqCi1JHUm6dvicyn5tJjSAc4_9pW9HV8PHuUrVHNBaGbzEk08_1l1F0vCTMNOBznmGDUfAcgFP0YHSv-nE9vjDkk-u3sFoHn8GHClyDeIPhEMNXuVziWCGHkKBZLS4Xcm-z2de4bg/s16000/GC8A6780.jpg" /></a></div><br /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Can I share something kind of embarrassing, or actually liberating, with you?</span></p><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-family: arial, "helvetica neue", helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>I was so angry just a few weeks ago.</strong> In the middle of one afternoon, I frantically searched my cupboard for something I could break. Shatter. Destroy. I wanted the satisfaction of hearing glass hit the ground and seeing the destruction it would leave behind. I quickly grabbed a mason jar and with all my might, threw it onto the ground and waited for it to shatter. It bounced back. Confused I tried again. It bounced back again. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></span><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Even more enraged, I resorted to screaming and stomping my feet repeatedly, releasing a well of hot tears as my feet hit the ground. See, after some devastating news I needed to let up the anger that I allowed inside of me. <br /><br />Society is amazing at filling women with the message that joy is the preferred emotion that should exist externally. As Black women, we are taught that there are consequences for being angry. As Christian women the church drills in us that we can be sad, we can be broken, and we should be filled with joy always. As people?? We are told by friends, family, and ourselves not to be sad, “it’ll be okay”, and "just smile through it, sis!"<br /><br />But, let me tell you this: </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>You’re allowed to have (and show) emotional range. Your heart has the capacity to feel everything -- from joy, surprise, confusion, anger, and everything in between. If an event warrants anger, you are well within your emotional rights to feel and express that anger.</strong></span><br /> </p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">When I shared with my therapist that I struggled to express anger, and was embarrassed that I made an attempt to break something, she asked what my anger might be trying to communicate with me. My immediate response was: <em>"<strong>Joy, fight for yourself. Joy, this is the moment where I need your advocacy."</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Let me say this: suppressing anger only diminishes the impact of wrongdoing. It reinforces that our feelings don’t matter. That we don’t need to advocate for ourselves. That we must wear an ill-fitted mask to continue to perpetuate the message that we must be soft only. So, when you feel anger (or anything in between), what is that emotion wanting to communicate to</span><span style="font-size: 12px;"> </span><u style="font-size: 12px;"><em>you</em></u><span style="font-size: 12px;">? What do you need from yourself at that moment?</span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Emotions are active. What you feel communicates with you (only when you allow it to). Practice recognizing and giving room to all of your emotions. Anger is just as important and valid as joy. Don’t suppress either — they each deserve to be seen and released. Allow yourself to cry when you feel pain; yell when you’re upset; dance when you feel joy, or express yourself in any way that liberates you, protects you, and honors how you feel. Your emotions are information intended to guide you. They each deserve quality attention. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 20px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Here’s to feeling free to express every warranted emotion (and doing so with wisdom). Here’s to being kind to our heart and letting it speak out when it needs to. Here’s to protecting our emotional integrity and remembering that we are allowed to have range. </strong><br /></span></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-4868244591410170102023-03-27T14:14:00.005-07:002023-03-27T14:14:50.978-07:00You Deserve More: Let go of the need to prove your worth.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6GWvo_SvcFcKOP5ge1r626L2Y9u7lN0LRI1gsn6G8Ss5vALzAK4KqXZfgvsK310MgLxwENuJKsusjz30uor78pwABxFIyrE3hS6_CQnG9JRDgtVV8l49SDvNJ0Eui7yjdwyfHYWD4P6TQ4rUyQclpAIQV5D1djcQNCIqbIEvaO52FqnZO7OME-x3l/s4032/IMG_2428.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6GWvo_SvcFcKOP5ge1r626L2Y9u7lN0LRI1gsn6G8Ss5vALzAK4KqXZfgvsK310MgLxwENuJKsusjz30uor78pwABxFIyrE3hS6_CQnG9JRDgtVV8l49SDvNJ0Eui7yjdwyfHYWD4P6TQ4rUyQclpAIQV5D1djcQNCIqbIEvaO52FqnZO7OME-x3l/s16000/IMG_2428.JPG" /></a></div><br /><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">You deserve so much more. You deserve gentleness. You deserve honesty. You deserve kindness and care. You deserve effort. You deserve clarity. You deserve to be thought about deeply, with attention to</span><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><u style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><em>your</em></u><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">details. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">We sometimes engage in situations or with people that communicate an otherwise message. So because we have the awareness that we are deserving of more, a cognitive dissonance of what we are actually experiencing beckons us to stay and help the person or situation recognize our worthiness. We perform. We prove. We wonder. We repeat. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><strong>Let me be honest, they don't need your help.</strong> I’ll be the first to tell you (or remind you) that<strong> you can let go of the need to please and to prove. </strong>Read that again<strong>.</strong> In trying to win someone over, we compromise our worthiness and trade it in for approval. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Ironically when we sit in something that goes against our core belief <strong>(that yes, we are worthy and yes, we do deserve more)</strong>, we are not only accepting but also communicating an otherwise message: we do not deserve so much more. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">The longer we accommodate less than, the deeper we drive ourselves into a well of confusion and slowly begin to doubt we should tolerate anything other than “more”. So we tolerate the bare minimum that drives our baseline lower. <br /><br />Give yourself permission to separate yourself from situations or people who struggle to accept your worthiness. </span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">You might not get to decide how people treat you, but you can certainly practice what you tolerate and accept. You get to decide your baseline of treatment.</span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Because the truth is, no matter what work you put in to perfect, perform, and prove, if someone or something is committed to believing otherwise (often at no fault of your own), your efforts are futile.</span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Give yourself permission to separate yourself from situations or people who struggle to accept that you are deserving of so much more. Attach yourself to your (true) belief that you are genuinely worthy of reforming thoughtfulness, care, and delicate honesty.</span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">I won’t sit here and tell you that when you begin to do this with dedicated consistency people will automatically fall in place and treat you accordingly. Rather, once you continually attach yourself to your true belief of worthiness, you’ll no longer be tossed into a whirlwind of confusion (between what you believe and what you allow). What you accommodate will align with your beliefs.</span></p><p style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Arial, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">So, I’m challenging us to let go of the need to prove our worthiness and release every situation or person who is unwilling to align. <br /><br /><strong>You no longer have to hustle to receive what you deserve. Rest. Let others put in the work.</strong><br /></span></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-19418886380491125462022-06-22T13:34:00.004-07:002022-06-22T13:36:33.698-07:00You don't need permission. Embrace your place of resounding confidence.<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><p style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCVjo7f14LiZAJSYuLttUZEcTWWG4cI-uvaGp2r8tNzr77hw6IPmf1ajF_YR3JgwJDkNWysPLU6g7v_PdyQpOPChzAzbUyiSuF5wEKGsoGSNJUzeB0aD9qr27zPLIK-SJl9Js3IbqaMQzLF9nSvJQi17kYEiCc_j_BORtR21dAku6rcZI6Vx12J18/s1800/373A355D-7570-4886-9496-74B52BB6EC1C.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZCVjo7f14LiZAJSYuLttUZEcTWWG4cI-uvaGp2r8tNzr77hw6IPmf1ajF_YR3JgwJDkNWysPLU6g7v_PdyQpOPChzAzbUyiSuF5wEKGsoGSNJUzeB0aD9qr27zPLIK-SJl9Js3IbqaMQzLF9nSvJQi17kYEiCc_j_BORtR21dAku6rcZI6Vx12J18/s16000/373A355D-7570-4886-9496-74B52BB6EC1C.JPG" /></a></p><br /><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div><p style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span>You don’t need permission.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span>You need radical and resounding confidence in your ability to discern and choose what is good for you in this very moment and every moment after. Lean closely into the part of your inner voice that speaks from a place of courage & take ownership of your ability (and wisdom) to choose for you.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span>So often and from so early have we have been taught to wait for someone’s yes; encouraged to gain validation from a friend; or asked to pause until something ELSE is aligned. This disarms us of the responsibility to live for ourselves and attain what we want. So, encouraging you today to take ownership, stop waiting for permission, and audaciously assume the responsibility of choosing well. Get rid of the incorrect assumption that your ability to move or do is dependent on someone else’s signature. You have the wisdom you’re looking for.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span>So before you send that screenshot to your friend, forward the email to your cousin, affirm that you are well within your wisdom to make the RIGHT choice. You don’t need my permission or anyone else’s to live a life that’s congruent with the truest version of you.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-18819932369569658142022-05-23T22:16:00.006-07:002022-06-08T14:32:04.304-07:00You're not in transition. You've arrived and are exactly where you need to be.<p><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR1uUtjXjtaVn5HmNeyJ8-92XmkCKN1DgMrZ32RivltT0zVQm-7PBeRrnV42iExN9kyEfti2144wY4kyFU1Zawew4IJ6MknGKtoN6LVzZb66mzVORiE3Ncf-hHH0t6B91cWv68B-kYF6PM5cCgXyjiUTVZGEHR3DcI-RnelRMAZcqD6aNH6O24dI-C/s1800/headshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR1uUtjXjtaVn5HmNeyJ8-92XmkCKN1DgMrZ32RivltT0zVQm-7PBeRrnV42iExN9kyEfti2144wY4kyFU1Zawew4IJ6MknGKtoN6LVzZb66mzVORiE3Ncf-hHH0t6B91cWv68B-kYF6PM5cCgXyjiUTVZGEHR3DcI-RnelRMAZcqD6aNH6O24dI-C/s16000/headshot.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><i>You're not in transition. Where you are right here, right now, is exactly where you need to be and, where minuscule moments have brought you.</i></p><p>We spend so much of our time waiting.</p><p>Queuing at the check out point in the grocery store.</p><p>Waiting for traffic to flow so we can get to work.</p><p>Filling our time with mundane activities until what we really want to do comes to us.</p><p>It makes some of us anxious. For others it's just uncomfortable. But, we're accustomed to it. So we sit passively in transition, waiting for something...else.</p><p>Just a few days ago, a friend asked me how I was handling a particular period in my life, I replied with "Oh, I've done _____(this a that) in preparation and expectation for what's next. Now, I'm just waiting." I had resolved to sit passively after I had done said work, and deem this period as one of transition. I was prepared to just wait until a new door opened.</p><p>But, soon as those words left my mouth, I was jolted. "This is just a season of transition", were the words I would constantly use to reassure myself. "What I want will come." "I just need to wait it out." This was my default thought. It occurred to me that those thoughts weakened me more than it served to empower.</p><p>Consider for a moment that where you are right now is not a period of transition. Rather, it's a well-intended destination. It's just as much a part of the journey and considerably a sure result of a very intentional moment.</p><p>Where you are isn't a matter of you passing through to get to the next point in your life, and you're not just stuck in a queue waiting for God to move. He already has. Your current position and season is a result of his meticulous movement. It's meant to disrupt. It's meant to inspire. It's meant to cause radical shift and ignite something inside of you. Ask yourself, "Why am I here right now?"</p><p>If we give so much attention to the story that we must wait for our current "transitional" season to end because it's unfamiliar (and quite possibly not where we wanted to be), we put ourselves in danger of missing the moment in the miracle that is happening right now. I invite you to ask yourself how you can make the most of this place. Then, get comfortable with and embrace, hell, even welcome what is gravely unfamiliar, long, or uncomfortable. Do what you need here. It's just as crucial as the place you're "waiting" to go. Train yourself to experience profound opportunity where you would initially experience angst; and become an active participant in this very moment. Transition is an active place. So, let's recognize this part of the journey, and continue to flow here.</p><p>Don't disrupt the movement God has allowed by waiting passively when you should be flowing.</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-28187543369936551012022-05-10T13:40:00.002-07:002022-05-10T13:40:34.720-07:00Your life is not a group decision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHt6w2vwdRQs-VQyabMNQJrz2LXDmJiDcOfEGVOoO9v4ylPbFVy58g_b5wbuq9rFkQJY_FfeuOgibd2F9kouHaz_0mPn5iMxEic6I_zANjtsLAezhtCx4OMhtkO_foeyl7-9z2n3hFU_GqVAzpC7ZzS2IFadUt4HVp6l5takrnJQRJdwE5hYz0mGV_/s5760/GC8A7063.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3840" data-original-width="5760" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHt6w2vwdRQs-VQyabMNQJrz2LXDmJiDcOfEGVOoO9v4ylPbFVy58g_b5wbuq9rFkQJY_FfeuOgibd2F9kouHaz_0mPn5iMxEic6I_zANjtsLAezhtCx4OMhtkO_foeyl7-9z2n3hFU_GqVAzpC7ZzS2IFadUt4HVp6l5takrnJQRJdwE5hYz0mGV_/s16000/GC8A7063.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p> <span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Your life is not a group decision.</span></p><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">If we hold on to the false belief that we (or our circumstance) can only succeed if someone else cosigns our idea, we rob ourselves of living fully and taking agency over our lives.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We end up placing ourselves on a rollercoaster of emotions...constantly waiting for someone or something to decide for us. When in reality, our lives are not group decisions. So my beloved, let’s no longer wait until all conditions are perfect. And we definitely should stop waiting for permission.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">You get to decide.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The decision comes from being radically honest with ourselves. What do you want? Is this thing congruent with your values? </span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We are so used to the reassurance of others that it's almost difficult to fully trust and rely our own voice or intuition. Instead, we give into the belief that we have to ask for permission to pursue our passions, to post the photo, to wear the outfit, to accept the date.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Truthfully, sometimes we don't actually want an alternative opinion though. We simply want to be told that, yes, our position is perfectly acceptable and, no, it wouldn't be a bad idea.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I'm confident that you have [good] transformative ideas, </span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">that don't need to be signed off by a committee of friends or family before you actualize them.</span><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><br style="caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: #fafafa; caret-color: rgb(38, 38, 38); color: #262626; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">And no one has the right answers because we’re all just winging it. </span>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-67958556875671070242022-04-20T15:51:00.002-07:002022-04-20T15:51:39.114-07:00Letting Go Does Not Mean You Have Failed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhUb3zt9iwxPtrI23mMoBr21Kp45mxg8rU9cnbCeOpb5UnnTgBPyL5XwtOFXIH0R__9LvcHuMGufVoGu1XcJsrWO2CNznwcUmWtn0E1cTKJGIdR0ntqcxZ2zOQ3PqzEZRJ2dkUXpQ-n10ynCvfKm9fwrIlkAHZP11ppYzyEpPoUWBkx6qHkBJ0ZkpP/s3399/OnyeCreativeStudios-2096V2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3399" data-original-width="2719" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhUb3zt9iwxPtrI23mMoBr21Kp45mxg8rU9cnbCeOpb5UnnTgBPyL5XwtOFXIH0R__9LvcHuMGufVoGu1XcJsrWO2CNznwcUmWtn0E1cTKJGIdR0ntqcxZ2zOQ3PqzEZRJ2dkUXpQ-n10ynCvfKm9fwrIlkAHZP11ppYzyEpPoUWBkx6qHkBJ0ZkpP/s16000/OnyeCreativeStudios-2096V2.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>I recently had a conversation with my life coach who asked me why I thought it was difficult to let go of a project I had started about 6 years ago. Of course, I offered her a profound answer saying “Oh, I’m not done with it yet.” But can I be honest? Deep down I knew that if I announced that I was letting it go, I’d feel like a failure and that I was disassociating myself with the thing that [I felt] strongly defined me. </p><p>I’m learning that the act of release does not diminish the core of who you are, nor should it point to the fallacy of failure.</p><p>But rather the alchemy of release highlights your ability and acceptance of new, profound space for the person you are, opportunities you attract, and love you permit yourself to embrace…right here..right now.</p><p>So, practice release as often and as radically as your growth permits. Release creates room for abundance. Let abundance be your norm.</p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-81821592317771742502021-11-18T10:39:00.002-08:002021-11-18T10:39:30.975-08:00Challenging Insecurities<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBW4s8vugwc9zQaHclw9hbWcAcepc9iz0go5NdGS-CGCpGch88AI1fVXUobxk5E5Zto0hoO5Njd8cXdtrWdQCvnmjH9FOcK9xN6cfZO0vjEM2bHlvNcZqA7kmaPhE9BsXm-9xFaguNUx0/s2048/IMG_4827.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBW4s8vugwc9zQaHclw9hbWcAcepc9iz0go5NdGS-CGCpGch88AI1fVXUobxk5E5Zto0hoO5Njd8cXdtrWdQCvnmjH9FOcK9xN6cfZO0vjEM2bHlvNcZqA7kmaPhE9BsXm-9xFaguNUx0/s16000/IMG_4827.JPG" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I distinctly remember a phone conversation with my mentor this summer. After I told her of a decision I made, she questioned me and asked "But Joy...why are you hiding...?" I was stumped. As if I was found out! I didn't feel anyone had noticed, and worse yet, I didn't really notice this either. I had been hiding myself and playing small in the way I'd show up (or rather, not show up). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">My playing small (or hiding myself) started in 2013 when I first launched my blog. I'd send each published link to one person, my best friend at the time, who kindly said "great job!" each time I wrote a post. Then a year after when I created a secret Instagram account (I wish I remembered the password for @epitomeofjoy 😂😂). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have more memories of playing small and shrinking back, but this question stung from the realization that my playing small over all these years was hurting me more than it was helping me.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s likely we all started off confident — showing off every skill we profoundly believed we possessed (whether we really did or not was not the question LOL). But something taught us to shrink back…yet we never audaciously challenged those limiting voices, beliefs, or experiences. So naturally, we developed insercurities that beckon us to play small whenever we have the opportunity to show up fully.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Challenging our insecurities</b> involves being lovingly and radically honest with ourselves and asking:</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Where does this insecurity stem from?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And what potential outcome am I truly afraid to face?</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes we fear rejection.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes we are afraid that we might not be good enough (according to whose standards?)</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Other times we are afraid of the truth of our strength and being called to a greater accountability that we think we cannot uphold. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Running from our insecurities leads to emotional and mental exhaustion. We enter cyclic thinking of what if, worst case scenarios, and I wish — that may never be resolved because we craftily leap over ever thinking of a positive case scenario. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So I challenge us all today into a mindset of radical honesty that incites us to challenge our insecurities head on….so that we no longer feel the need to play small. Your gifts are beautiful and we are waiting to see just big you are. Your playing small serves no one and frankly an insult to the One who strategically created the masterpiece that is you. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Take up space friend. We’re ready for you.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-42378671490677112172021-04-07T23:31:00.002-07:002021-04-07T23:44:32.130-07:00The Power of Pivoting (Excerpt from a 2020 Guest Article)<p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; text-align: left; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCWBnLoGgt1ulyqblvagWfiyRglpnu7qRUa8tmtbiUa7IuejVyZ-OubTkmaMVQKvyoJ8sgKUYoI37BEoUDpFkn8e4AqRe0dM_dryz5QASyXogchSzRh2nwbt8FXdPfKTlr2koMG0bwMlk/s1000/outside+denim-1-5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="750" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCWBnLoGgt1ulyqblvagWfiyRglpnu7qRUa8tmtbiUa7IuejVyZ-OubTkmaMVQKvyoJ8sgKUYoI37BEoUDpFkn8e4AqRe0dM_dryz5QASyXogchSzRh2nwbt8FXdPfKTlr2koMG0bwMlk/s16000/outside+denim-1-5.jpg" /></a></div></div></blockquote><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">March 20, 2020. That’s when I received the email from the corporate office informing me that I should not be returning to the office the following Monday. We were in “unprecedented times”. Everything was shut. I thought “Okay, sis. It’s fine…this is temporary.” Well, because the email said “for this week.” I thought wrong.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">As we all know (because we’re living it), the one week turned into five, then ten, and frankly, we’ve probably all lost count of how many weeks were within these “unprecedented times”. Collectively, we paused. And forcedly, we pivoted.</span></p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like you, at the start of this year, I sat hopefully attuned to each goal I inscribed in my prayer journal on January 1</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 0.6em; vertical-align: super;">st</span></span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. From the relaxing trips I’d planned to Lagos, Tanzania, and Athens… to the transformative events I expected to produce in London, Amsterdam, and Los Angeles. I entered the start of this year with flair, captivated by the unlimited potential my “2020 Vision” would bring.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">But, forcedly, I pivoted.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">If I learned anything from being a corporate employee, entrepreneur, then consultant, it is that change happens constantly, quickly, and our least favorite: unexpectedly. The latter tends to raise fear. The thought of change tends, at times, to be frightening (and other times, paralyzing) because we’d much rather focus on ideas or experiences that we’ve held on to closely (lived or dreamed), than embrace something as foreign as the unknown. So in that fear, we’d rather sit. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sit on ideas, dreams, goals (probably smothering them by this point)…well because, the unknown is frightening. And we’re much better off saving our dreams for another time... that is less “unprecedented”. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">But, what if instead, we took ownership of change, no matter how unexpected? </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">In April, I had the mental capacity to focus on the consulting work I did with other brands (in the absence of my 9-5). I researched to further my knowledge of brand marketing. I sharpened my networking prowess and connected with leaders in the beauty industry. The brands exceeded their sales targets, in the midst of unprecedented economic times. In May, I continued to record episodes for my podcast, then was invited to speak to the audiences of several brands across Los Angeles, Lagos, and London.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was forced to pivot. But I willingly chose to embrace something as “dangerous” as the unknown: change.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have to be admit, that although I pivoted, I wasn’t necessarily changing course confidently. But I committed to doing small actions that had some semblance of movement. And that’s all pivoting is: a commitment to moving forward, even when it does not feel safe of familiar.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">So with that, I’d love for you to cherish this verse I ascribed in my prayer journal, beside the page titled “2020 Vision”:</span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; white-space: pre-wrap;">Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!....I am making a way in the wilderness...”</span></p></blockquote><p><span style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re in a place of pivot, grab hold of this unique (and uncertain) opportunity to refine your talents. In this unique place, your frustration of your situation can pivot into surrender, and God will have more room to make a way in this unfamiliar territory and “unprecedented times”.</span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-35f1f9de-7fff-be45-da45-66be2d765b5e"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p></span><span id="docs-internal-guid-35f1f9de-7fff-be45-da45-66be2d765b5e"><p style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>*The above was written as a contribution to a 2020 Coffee & Prayer newsletter*</i></span></p></span></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-35f1f9de-7fff-be45-da45-66be2d765b5e"><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span></div></span></blockquote><span id="docs-internal-guid-35f1f9de-7fff-be45-da45-66be2d765b5e"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></p><br /></span>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-24485609607186195112020-11-08T20:19:00.004-08:002020-11-08T20:29:49.379-08:00Radical Honesty: Escaping Conditional Living<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOndpanqUBoj8aBjkG1v5TvE0XNrEwM2QoAcRFl_AZQw-Wx9_hL8SBEHM9diutDtGyq_di2x0uFPs5lBvg0KdlZH_R6WxeVBlHK9XshZT8M4382oyRBVFSF8DrYMGqppJ7rgwmAia8xa4/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-09+at+07.40.11.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOndpanqUBoj8aBjkG1v5TvE0XNrEwM2QoAcRFl_AZQw-Wx9_hL8SBEHM9diutDtGyq_di2x0uFPs5lBvg0KdlZH_R6WxeVBlHK9XshZT8M4382oyRBVFSF8DrYMGqppJ7rgwmAia8xa4/s16000/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-09+at+07.40.11.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">I remember having a conversation with a friend, who in full accountability, called me to see if I’d made a decision to move forward on a project I’d been so cleverly dragging along. In that conversation, I very boldly told her “<strong>Well, if this happens, I’ll do it.</strong>” I could feel her side-eyeing me through the phone, but I ignored it.</p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">I began noticing I made this statement repeatedly. “<strong>If that happens, then I’ll do this.</strong>” I was living life based on external conditions. I realized my conditional living had manifested itself in small things -- like how I chose to eat (I'll eat ice cream if I workout), then more grand circumstances like career progression (I'll leave my job if I get a new offer). I was placing conditions on making decisions and worse yet, taking action. </p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">Doing deep work and a bit of research (self-help junkie & psych nerd here!), I realized that our <strong>conditional living is rooted in self-expectations, societal expectations, or fear of failure. </strong>Conditional living often manifests or masks itself as:</p><ul style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica;"><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong>Procrastination or perfectionism</strong></p></li><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong>Validation seeking (constantly asking for reassurance from more trusted sources, because we’ve stopped trusting ourselves)</strong></p></li><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong>Delayed decision making</strong></p></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">But if we hold on to the false belief that we (or our circumstance) can only succeed if something else (usually outside of our control) happens, we rob ourselves of:</p><ul style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica;"><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">Living fully</p></li><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">Taking agency</p></li><li dir="ltr"><p dir="ltr" role="presentation" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">Having ownership of our lives.</p></li></ul><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">We end up placing ourselves on a rollercoaster of emotions...constantly waiting for someone or something to decide for us. When in reality, our lives are not group decisions. So my beloved, let’s not wait until we get a groundbreaking sign. Let’s no longer wait until all conditions are perfect. And we definitely should stop waiting for permission.</p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong>You get to decide.</strong></p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">The decision comes from being radically honest with ourselves. What do you want? Is this thing congruent with your values? Does it authentically align with who you are?</p><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;">I’ve discovered that the answer to taking ownership over our life experiences is accepting that you cannot fail. That there are no failures. Only data. And that data will inform how radically honest you need to be to solely and confidently make your next best decision.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdSSyIJF7FNp-AxHN8Zoc7lC2d2Ak1moniBTq6VIoaDu9IxplQ1SIKf2l88AJaQC-xMPJv7CvZut8V69RCjANBB79U9OpyXirhfevK_RfDuUgq-1fqs_ZpS4e5g-LRG29dUhm0OKbJPc/s1024/WhatsApp+Image+2020-11-07+at+06.57.44.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdSSyIJF7FNp-AxHN8Zoc7lC2d2Ak1moniBTq6VIoaDu9IxplQ1SIKf2l88AJaQC-xMPJv7CvZut8V69RCjANBB79U9OpyXirhfevK_RfDuUgq-1fqs_ZpS4e5g-LRG29dUhm0OKbJPc/s16000/WhatsApp+Image+2020-11-07+at+06.57.44.jpeg" /></a></div><br /><p dir="ltr" style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: 24px; margin: 10px 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></p><blockquote style="caret-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;" type="cite"><div dir="ltr"><center></center></div></blockquote>Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-73317976946796452682020-04-01T09:56:00.001-07:002020-04-01T09:56:15.914-07:00Slowing down is a power move<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Can I let you in on something personal? It's the part of my journey I've rarely talked about: <strong>my slow down and pivot.</strong><br />
<br />Before this change in momentum, there was a distinct period of time where client contracts were consistent. In the span of 5 months, I flew between 3 countries to work with some of my favorite brands. This is where I felt like I thrived the most – in motion. So when work started slowing down for me later that same year <strong>(as in zero clients and no cash flow)</strong>, I was forced to do nothing. I used the opportunity to visit family in Atlanta.<br /><br />There, in Atlanta, I was far from busy, and couldn’t relate with the word productive. I took walks in the morning, watched new Netflix series during the day, mastered baking homemade bread, learned to take self-portraits with a tripod….and came up with the idea for Pivot & Thrive.<br /><br /><strong>It was birthed in the stillness. </strong><br />The idea began to sprout when I found a book that detailed the fine art of negotiating. It took root when I spent time updating my resume. And it flourished when I did nothing but gaze out of my sister’s living room window (because boredom often invites you here).<br /><br />Pivot & Thrive finally emerged fully 3 months later. And it unfolded into events, a newsletter, and now a podcast. (I talk about this in my latest episode <a data-cke-saved-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/6is1vU0wP3S7KBbRRvALaO?si=uLzIjU2YTyWWSJBO40RMzw" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/6is1vU0wP3S7KBbRRvALaO?si=uLzIjU2YTyWWSJBO40RMzw" target="_blank">here</a>).<br /><br />It’s in our (sometimes forced) stillness that we take the biggest leap. And at times, the counterintuitive solution to productivity may lie in the very thing we resist and fear will impede our progress: slowing down. <strong>For me, slowing down was a power move.</strong><br />The benefits to slowing down are numerous. When we’re still, we allow our minds to daydream – which makes us more creative and better at problem-solving.<br /><br />In Dutch, the term for this idea is known as “<a data-cke-saved-href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/29/smarter-living/the-case-for-doing-nothing.html" href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/29/smarter-living/the-case-for-doing-nothing.html" target="_blank">niksen</a>” – taking conscious, considered time and energy to do activities like sitting motionless and doing nothing.<br /><br /><strong>Our current circumstance with social distancing vaguely reminds me of this extended stay in Atlanta.</strong><br />
<b><br /></b>A forced stillness. Now, as we are seemingly hindered from jumping rapidly from place to place, or job to job, there's an opportunity to let our ideas simmer. But, whether you chose to fill this time with productive projects or to simply rest, I hope in this season you tap into <strong>grace</strong>.<br /><br />Grace to go at a pace, slow or fast, that feels right for you. Grace to stay focused and not to compare your journey, output, or creativity with others around you. <strong>Grace to chose your own pace. </strong><br /><strong>For some, this period of stillness and social distancing screams: DO MORE, while for others, it's about grabbing the opportunity to rest.</strong><br />
<b><br /></b>Either way, here's a sweet reminder to all my "I have to keep moving" people, to use this season to settle into God's grace. To let your ideas simmer. <strong>And to make your very own power move. </strong>You'll be amazed at your confidence in your ideas, and how unbending you are in your decisions.<br />
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-75862889905132889412019-10-03T18:18:00.003-07:002021-03-11T08:00:37.873-08:00Take (imperfect) action, then adjust your approach<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="color: #202020; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 13px;">Do you remember your 'first' ____(go ahead and fill in the blank with your first -- blog post, podcast, speaking engagement)?<br /><br />I do. And I cringe thinking about it. Well, I've had many firsts, but this particular one was my first Beneath Your Beauty event in 2014. I made up the website, and I'm pretty sure I used PowerPoint or Paint to design the <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/jplNVbQDnq/" style="color: #007c89;" target="_blank">graphics</a>. We held a fashion show that night, and can you believe we used butcher paper for the runway? 😂 I clearly wasn't going to let my $100 budget stop me.<br /><br />But you know what? <strong>I did it.</strong> A whole me. I produced a fashion show, and panel discussion in LA. I had no prior experience. But I got a team together. Made the Eventbrite page. Secured the venue, the designer, the models, and the guests, and here we are 5 years later, doing events in London <em>and</em> LA. (Shout out to the very amazing teams I've had).<br /><br />I cringe even as I write this because I’m a (newly discovered) perfectionist...and the thought of just DOING something with no perfect first, second, and third step, gives me <em>stress. </em></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 16px;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">But whenever perfection tries to rear its head, I'm reminded that <strong>waiting until we’re ready, or until it’s perfect, is almost never a good idea.</strong><br /><br />Looking back, I’m sure we can each remember our "firsts" …and appreciate the candid faith we had in simply starting. For me, I was just content with the idea of adjusting along the way where necessary. <strong>Perfection wasn’t a question. </strong>I knew it just needed to be done.<br /><br />Truth is, <strong>it’s okay to strive for excellence</strong>. But when we make perfection our standard, we regressively welcome procrastination (waiting for the right moment), we miss out on opportunities (to learn), and we deny others the chance to be positively impacted by the gifts we have to share.<br /><br />I recall an <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjpgOvkzajvAhUyKX0KHf7WDFQQFjACegQIAhAD&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.forbes.com%2Fsites%2Fforbescoachescouncil%2F2018%2F01%2F02%2Fwhy-being-a-perfectionist-can-hold-you-back%2F&usg=AOvVaw2g5vuzOSwRR1cZwXeVE1qA" target="_blank">article</a> that explained the negative sides of perfectionism, and why it's hindering your progress. The article was shouting and I felt attacked.<br /><br /><strong><span style="background-color: #ffcccc;">Impacts of perfectionism:</span></strong></span></div>
<ul style="caret-color: rgb(32, 32, 32); color: #202020; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 16px;">
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">It adversely affects relationships by separating individual effort from a common goal effort.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">It negatively impacts behavior by creating defensiveness to suggestions from others.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">It leads you to unavoidably waste time striving for an absolutely perfect result.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">You maximally focus on an all-or-nothing mindset, sometimes paralyzing any progress or never completing the task.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">It slowly impedes personal development by preventing the application of learning.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 13px;">You increasingly develop self-loathing by reinforcing a limiting belief of “not being good enough."</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">Do any of these stick out to you?<br /><br /><strong><span style="background-color: #ffcccc;">What you can do about it:</span></strong><br /><br />If you're reading this and silently nodding in agreement, think about "good enough" actions you can take in the next few days. A start, no matter how imperfect will eventually lead you to excellence <u><strong>(or at least done)</strong></u>. Sometimes, it's better to take imperfect action and adjust your approach, rather than sitting so heavily on your dream, because chances are, the dream will pass you by 🥴.<br /><br />So go ahead and do whatever 'it' is...without fear of imperfection. Remember just because it's flawed, doesn't mean you've failed.</span></div>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-48896637880876734432019-07-02T08:44:00.001-07:002019-07-02T08:46:43.671-07:00Why I Learned to Say No to New Opportunities<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember reflecting on an opportunity I had recently, and wondering if saying "yes" to it way back then was the right choice. It was my dream opportunity. <strong>There was glitter and gold all over it. </strong>In hindsight, I did in fact hesitate initially because not every aspect of the opportunity matched with my checklist (do you have one of those? now is a good time to create it) -- but, in full enthusiasm and intentionality to take every opportunity, I said "yes".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Presently, I've been offered another opportunity that sounds amazing. Last year, I would have excitedly rushed towards it. But this time, it feels less appealing simply because of where I am with my goals and in my journey.<br /><br />So, I made an effort to try out what it felt like to say "no". If opportunities didn't align with my goals or give me the most peace, I didn't hesitate to politely walk away. And, it worked.<br />I noticed that life has a way of making room for us when we know where we’re going and have the actions to match (prioritizing your goals and what brings you joy, & being courageous enough to apply wisdom in saying yes or saying no).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />If you’re currently at a place in your life where you’re discerning if certain opportunities are for you, <strong>this halfway mark of the year is perfect for refocusing on your goals.</strong>Before you say yes, ask yourself if an opportunity lines up with your goal.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><strong><span style="background-color: #ffcccc;">Here are 4 reflective questions to consider</span></strong>before you grab an opportunity (that glitters and looks like gold):</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Does this support my priorities and align with my calling?</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Does this opportunity excite me?</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">What is my intention behind this and what can I give or gain?</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Will this opportunity stretch me beyond my limits and do I have the capacity for it?</span></li>
</ul>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have to admit that <strong>there was a certain point where I was glued to the word “yes”</strong>. I’d say yes to every opportunity that came my way. No matter how or if it interrupted my goals. At the time, saying yes felt good. It felt like the one caveat to growth that I needed to master in order to propel my career forward. I didn’t want to limit myself. For a while, this made so much sense…I was learning and growing in my craft. But truth be told, a lot of those opportunities just didn’t work for me — and I felt the impact later. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If the answer is no to these questions, or you've come up short with your intentions, then perhaps it's okay move on with grace. For me, my intention was to learn as much as I could in my new career field. Do you know what your intentions are with each opportunity?</span></div>
Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-55321583069490145032019-05-14T10:32:00.001-07:002019-05-14T10:32:34.594-07:00The Truth about Being a Multi-hyphenate Pt. 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
Thanks for coming back for the second part of this blog post!<br />
<h4 style="text-align: left;">
Your questions</h4>
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If you've kept up with me via Instagram, you may have taken on the chance to ask me your questions which I'm excitedly answering here.</div>
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<b>Q: Did you have a gap between your 9 to 5 and your entrepreneurial journey?</b></div>
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A: No. As I mentioned, I ran my "hobby" alongside my full time job. Before handing in my notice, I had a project in Paris and London with a brand, Bifuko, so at the time, I was preparing to travel abroad to work on their launch campaign.<br />
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<b>Q: Did you always want to be self-employed?</b></div>
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A: I think the short answer is yes. Initially, I wanted to run my own private practice as a psychologist. </div>
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<b>Q: What lesson has taken you the longest to learn?</b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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A: I love this question! I love it because I want all of us to learn this (and master it early on). The lesson that has taken me the longest to learn is knowing my worth/what I bring to the table, setting my rates based on this, and having the courage to ask for it.</div>
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<b>Q: How did you find strength to keep going when it gets tough?</b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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A: Discipline, grace, and accountability. I learned to <b>discipline</b> myself early on to accomplish certain tasks, even when I don't feel like it. For example, I'll create a schedule or "Intention List" at the start of each week. I'll include tasks on there such as going on a morning run (to set a routine), posting on Instagram (to build brand visibility), reaching out to a brand or client (for a collaboration or to secure potential work). In the same vein, I remember to be <b>gracious</b> to myself. If there are days where I need to rest, eat ice cream and take a trip down to Topshop, I do so. I cannot come and kill myself, because trust me, it does get tough. To top all of this off, having an <b>accountability</b> partner is helpful. Maybe that's a close friend or family member you can share your goals with, or a fellow entrepreneur who is working on similar tasks. I have two friends and a dear sister and check in with each of them, respectively (and reciprocally) for emotional support, to share our resources, and to climb the ladder together.</div>
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<b>Q: Are you making a steady income now?</b></div>
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A: Yes! Praise break!! This is something I prayed about for a while...and something I continue to include in my prayers. I work as a contractor with certain brands, while maintaining clients for my own business. Though, I'm still learning and will soon master the art of acknowledging and charging my worth.</div>
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<b>Q: What is your ultimate goal?</b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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A: Sigh -- my (fitness) trainer asked me this yesterday and I was surprised I couldn't answer fast enough! My goals are evolving, honestly. As I discover more about my skills, my character, and what excites me, my goals shift and are more clear. Short term, I'd like to see Beneath Your Beauty events grow to attract and impact more people. Long term, my goal is to own my own clothing brand (watch out, Zara); <b>marry</b> a fine, attentive, and God-fearing chocolate man, own a beautiful home or three, and vacation often. 😁 I'd also love to have the ability to practice law if I wanted to and provide counseling if I needed to....All this in no particular order...*ahem.</div>
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<div>
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<div>
My ultimate goal is really <b>helping people grow into confidence and thrive in life</b>. I'm embracing and at peace with taking a different route to achieve this goal. Because God is my father, I realize that abundance is my birthright...I have been so blessed with multiple talents, and my heart yearns to use them all and bring Him fruit.</div>
</div>
Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-72085515746130115682019-04-24T00:38:00.001-07:002019-05-14T10:32:53.207-07:00The Truth about Being a Multi-hyphenate -- My Entrepreneurial Journey: Reflections & Q&A<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><i>"There's nothing wrong with taking a different route..."</i></b><br />
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This was the thought I mulled over constantly for several months prior to leaving my job. Studying psychology had been my dream. I wasn't done. Yes, I was a high school counselor. But, there was so much more space on the career ladder. Yet, I felt such a strong and compelling tug to pivot. This feeling coupled with the toxic environment that was my workplace contributed in my decision to take the final leap on April 16, 2018.<br />
<br />
Last week, April 16, 2019, I quietly celebrated the one year anniversary of leaving my job, making a career pivot, and diving full force into what I considered a hobby for the past 5 and half years. Now, let's rewind and I'll briefly get into this "hobby" of mine.<br />
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<h4 style="text-align: left;">
The back-story</h4>
In 2013, my brand <a href="http://instagram.com/beneathyourbeauty" target="_blank">Beneath Your Beauty</a> was born. This was an outlet I created for connecting with women, and helping them build self-esteem, courage, and develop their personal style. Soon after my first Beneath Your Beauty event, I was asked to take on clients for brand management. I wasn't sure what exactly this entailed, but I was willing to (and did) learn on the way. Fast forward to 2014 when I moved to London to earn my masters in Psychology. I was frustrated by the lack of opportunities my program provided for graduate students. So, I took matters into my own hands and sought out opportunities. I knew I loved helping women...so naturally, my search included organizations that catered to this demographic. Not long after I began my search, I got my first gig in marketing as a Communications Manager (really, I was a glorified social media intern), for a lifestyle brand based in Milan, Italy. During my interview, I showed them the content I created for Beneath Your Beauty. They loved it and hired me on the spot. Excitedly, I jumped at the offer, not understanding this whole digital marketing thing (it was still very new back then), and desperately wanting money to pay the rent for my flat in London.<br />
<h4 style="text-align: left;">
The pivot</h4>
After earning my masters in Psychology, I graduated, and moved back home to Los Angeles. Soon after, I started working as a high school counselor. I was so much closer to my dream of being a psychologist and providing therapy for teens and their families.<br />
<br />
Concurrently, I ran annual Beneath Your Beauty events, created content for our blog; consistently took photos and wrote content for my <a href="http://instagram.com/joyubani_" target="_blank">personal brand</a> (thank you for reading and keeping up with me!)....I did all this while working as a counselor full time, juggling a part time job as an ABA Therapist, and managing a small handful of clients for digital marketing (I was no longer working with the brand in Milan, but established clients of my own as a freelancer). As I type this, I realize that I did...the most. I started to get the feeling that I had to...choose. I'll admit that it did feel strange writing "Counselor by day, Marketing Strategist by Night" on my Instagram bio. So, I chose.<br />
<h4 style="text-align: left;">
The chance</h4>
Just before I handed in my notice at work, I did my due diligence of applying to other jobs for the same role, as well as roles in fashion marketing. But, everything in me was nudging me towards taking a chance on myself. I wanted to find out if I could actually make it. So, I chose. I chose to step out fully and zero in on this hobby I just couldn't let go of despite my 14 hour work days and fully booked Saturdays. I never intentionally planned to be an entrepreneur or self-employed...by accepting that there was nothing wrong with taking a different route, I believe I willingly fell into it...<br />
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<h2 style="background-color: white; font-family: juliette_reg, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400 !important; letter-spacing: 2px; line-height: normal; margin: 25px 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-transform: uppercase;">
PHOTOGRAPHS BY <a href="http://instagram.com/femstah" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">FEMI OLUBODE</a></h2>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-68171450133502467552019-03-15T05:27:00.001-07:002019-03-15T07:10:51.699-07:00The Art of Self-Promotion (How to Master Talking Up You and Your Brand)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Everything becomes easier when you know who you are and are courageous enough to share it with the world.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I've discovered that there's a certain time and place for humility when it comes to taking up space in your industry (climbing the career ladder ain't it). This is where self-promotion comes in -- albeit it can be a murky territory because with self-promotion there's a fine line between sounding pompous if we overshare, and missing opportunities if we don't share enough. I've met people who seize every opportunity to self-promote and share who they are, and I've met those on the opposite side -- who would rather stand in one space and casually sip their drink while pretending to be fascinated by whatever they found on their phone screen (guilty!). But whichever category you fall into, self-promotion is a skill worth mastering, and I'm breaking down the art to doing so successfully:</span><br />
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Start by <b>identifying your voice and your offering</b>. In a few words, can you sum up who you are, what you do, and what you offer? Try condensing your 'story' to a few words doing your best to humanize yourself and create a personal connection to your voice and your offering. For example something I may say is: <b>My name is Joy and I've always had a heart for helping people thrive in their business and personal life. Identifying your voice and offering will help you </b></span></li>
</ul>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Rehearse </b>this “pitch” with close friends, peers, and maybe a mentor. I've found that it's often most effective to bounce ideas off your peers and someone who is more senior and more experienced. Once your gain feedback, rehearsing your pitch will help you gauge if people outside of your immediate industry can easily grasp your who/what/how. <b>Be confident</b> about your pitch (even if you must fake the funk). A confident delivery will make people believe in you all the more.</span></li>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Have a goal and be reciprocal: </b>Before you self-promote, have a goal in mind. What do you hope to offer this person or what do you hope to gain? By now, it's likely you've discerned that self-promotion goes hand-in-hand with networking. The best self-promoters are those who are genuinely interested in others (and who can find a way for their brand to service others).</span></li>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Announce yourself and knock on doors:</b> Now that you've perfected your pitch, it's time to share it with others and self-promote. I started self-promoting literally by announcing myself. Send an email or message to your network and contacts letting them know what you now offer. If you have a portfolio to attach to this message, send that along too. When I first made my career pivot, a friend of mine (hey, Naomi B.!) gave me this advise, and when I followed, doors flew opened as I knocked. Who are three people you can reach out to via email or social media this week?</span></li>
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<li><b>Use your resources and practice in your online space: </b>I'm a firm believer in making good use of what's in your hand. Are you already plugged in on social media platforms? If yes, start self-promotion there. Make sure your bio reflects your voice and your offering. If you're a photographer, go ahead and update your bio to reflect your offering. If you're a fashion influencer helping your community to look and feel stylish, take your profile a step further than sharing carefully curated photos and add your offering to your bio. And a bonus step in self-promoting is announcing yourself! Share your offerings on your feed with a <b>call to action</b> photo and caption. Embrace your audience in your Instagram story by using your voice and again, announce your offering. (Ex: If you want to be booked for photography, let them know you are available and back it up by sharing BTS of a shoot or the finished product of an edited photo).</li>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Attend events with intention:</b> Make it your aim to speak to at least one person in the room (with your goal of speaking to them in tow) -- you'll check one thing off your list which will boost your confidence. </span></li>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Master small talk: </b>Before you self-promote, be mindful about getting to know <i>the other person</i>. Ask questions about them that go beyond the “what do you do”? You can compliment their work (or style), ask how they heard of the event, or even where they travelled from to attend. Small talk (which I'll be the first to admit, can be dreadful, but, when crafted mindfully, it can lead to bigger (eventual) opportunities.</span></li>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Small talk can lead to bigger opportunities.</span></i><br />
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Create business cards</b> and distribute when necessary. I honestly did this last because I underestimated it’s value and purpose. Reality is, a number of people will likely store your business card at the bottom of their purse. Others will copy your information and email you after your first meeting. Have business cards handy after ever coffee catch up, during every event, and even when you grab a drink from the local mom and pop bakery (they might need your services too, or know someone who needs to attend your event).</span></li>
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<li style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b>Look the part</b>: Believe or not, a large part of self-promotion (and networking) dwell on your presentation and personal brand. It goes beyond your perfect pitch and overflows into how you carry yourself. Does your personal presentation match your voice and your vision? (I share more on personal branding <a href="http://www.joyubani.com/2018/06/6-truths-about-self-employment-building.html" target="_blank">here</a>). </li>
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<li><b>Follow up:</b> Don't be afraid to connect further with someone after your first meeting and initial pitch. Self-promotion goes beyond the initial self-promotion -- drop an email, connect on social media, and nurture the new connection that you've just shared your voice and your vision with.</li>
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What's your go-to method for self-promotion?</div>
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WHAT I'M WEARING:</h2>
<h4 style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(51, 51, 51); color: #333333; font-family: juliette_reg, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 400 !important; letter-spacing: 2px; line-height: normal; margin: 25px 0px; position: relative; text-transform: uppercase;">
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Navy Oversized Blazer: ZARA (old)</div>
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WHITE Button Down Blouse: <a href="https://www2.hm.com/en_us/productpage.0695632002.html" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">H&M</a> </div>
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Mom Fit Jeans: <a href="https://www.zara.com/us/en/mom-fit-jeans-p08197032.html?v1=7888781&v2=1180740" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">ZARA</a> (similar)</div>
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PHOTOGRAPHS BY <a href="http://instagram.com/femstah" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">FEMI OLUBODE</a></h2>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-59922616050844777202019-01-24T10:17:00.000-08:002019-01-24T10:29:12.228-08:005 Things To Do Before Your Launch<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Wow! It's been a while since I've shared an update on my blog and connected with you all on this platform. I'm still alive and kicking! The last time I updated you all, I was transitioning from a full time high school counselor, to a full time fashion and lifestyle publicist, consultant brand marketing manager. Since leaving my job in April, I've had the opportunity to travel to Paris, Amsterdam, and Los Angeles for client engagements, each focusing on launch projects. I thought I'd share some important strategies with you here. (If you attended the latest Beneath Your Beauty: Mastermind Edit event, you got a dose of these strategies on the day). Anyway, let's get into it!</div>
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<li><b>Research like-brands:</b> You already have your idea. Now, it's time to take a look at your competitors. Yes, there probably is another brand out there selling a similar product or sharing similar content. Don't let that scare you -- instead, use it to your advantage. Take a look at their online and offline presence (if your business is product based) to get a sense of what they're doing right, and what they've missed. In marketing lingo, this is called a <b>SWOT analysis </b>where you make note of their <b>strength, weaknesses, opportunities (for improvement), and threats (within the market).</b></li>
<li><b>Define your target market/target audience:</b> Before you announce your launch, it's important to determine who you are targeting. If your brand already exists, consider segmenting your audience into first time consumers, loyal consumers, or consumers who have subscribed to your mailing list, but yet to take any action or interact with your content/products. Segmenting your target market will help you tailor your launch campaign to reach this specific consumer. You want to do your best to make sure your launch campaign is relatable and attracts their attention.</li>
<li><b>Engage with your audience and solidify your online presence:</b> Creating a consumer profile and segmenting your audience is the easy part. Engaging with your audience takes a bit more time and intentionality. Find key spaces your audience occupies, drive them to your content, and convert them into loyal consumers. For example, if your audience already lives on Instagram, find them in that space by previewing how like-brands are engaging with them. If you're an existing brand, perhaps they've tagged your brand in a post recently. Use that as leverage and draw their attention to the new product you've launched. <b>Check the comment section</b>. If a member of your target audience has mentioned a specific need that your launch addresses, grab their attention and direct them to your mailing list. </li>
<li><b>Develop a clear communications strategy: </b>I can be that nagging marketing manager that consistently reminds clients to have consistent language and clear imagery. If you're reaching your target market through social media for example, remember this platform relies heavily on imagery. Invest in a photographer and get clear, sharp imagery that will capture the attention of your audience. Be sure that your language on all your platforms is clear, consistent, and engages your audience. And if this weren't enough, it's important to work out a plan that details where and how you'll share information. Using softwares like Mailchimp or Infusion Soft are a great way to communicate with your audience via email. Apps like Planoly and Unum are an effective way to plan your Instagram communications strategy and see a layout of your (clear and sharp) imagery <b>before</b> your audience does.</li>
<li><b>Create buzz:</b> I've worked with clients that have chosen to round out the above steps with a launch event. If your budget can accommodate this, events are a surefire strategy to gain interface with your target market. You'll provide a space for them to interact with your product (or with the face of the brand), and potentially purchase products on-site. Remember, audience experience is one the the most important factors to gaining <b>loyal </b>consumers. Other great ways to create buzz around your launch campaigns is by collaborating with other brands, and creating affiliate programs with influencers (but this is an entirely larger topic that we can get into in a next post!).</li>
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Thinking of launching or re-launching your brand? Join my <a href="https://mailchi.mp/12674c030df5/joyubani" style="background-color: #f4cccc;" target="_blank">mailing list</a> for more resources on launching, and perfecting your brand's strategy.</div>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-43692776696249969432018-11-05T11:29:00.002-08:002018-11-07T12:16:40.268-08:006 Tips for Staying on Top and Getting Ahead<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOjaBMaBM2lI7rfIWd5zj9ASlVH-WrBJSAs9RbeIuh3dcgpwL0PptJWyr3_-QwWTpRpU1vtOfqNGdClXrNTOCEra2QJLdpMVZc53Jb1gYJWwO3-5t7K1RElChl2LqXF2BKMZzAkgGp_bE/s1600/IMG_3939.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOjaBMaBM2lI7rfIWd5zj9ASlVH-WrBJSAs9RbeIuh3dcgpwL0PptJWyr3_-QwWTpRpU1vtOfqNGdClXrNTOCEra2QJLdpMVZc53Jb1gYJWwO3-5t7K1RElChl2LqXF2BKMZzAkgGp_bE/s1600/IMG_3939.jpg" /></a></div>
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I'm learning that career progression often depends on certain characteristics and habits we develop overtime. Character traits and habits that will push your business goals, or hinder you from achieving all that you can. It's the little things that move you forward, which you don't necessarily learn when you google your craft, but you learn on the job; while you're communicating with others, and from the feedback (in your face or behind your back) you gain after your assignment. I'm sharing certain habits I've been more intentional about developing since my recent career shift:</div>
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<li><b>Write everything down:</b> </li>
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<li><b>For planning sake: </b>I've gotten into the habit of planning out my week every Sunday night. In my notepad, I write out overall tasks I'd like to accomplish in that week, then take it a step further by writing out what I need to do each day of that week. At the end of each month, I go back and conduct an audit of the tasks I've done to help me better plan the next month. </li>
<li><b>For memory's sake: </b>Writing everything down also applies to conversations with clients and staff. I learned from early on the importance of documenting what was said and what was agreed on so you always have a point of reference.</li>
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<li><b>Taking initiative pays off:</b> As Sheryl Sandberg says in her book <i>Lean In:</i> <i>"It is hard to visualize someone as a a leader if she is always being told what to do."</i> During a recent Beneath Your Beauty masterclass, Dan Ogunsanwo, one of our guest speakers, echoed this sentiment. You have to assume authority and make those around you (clients included) believe that you are an authority in your field. Take initiative by presenting new ideas and marketing strategies; getting to the boardroom a few minutes before your boss; anticipating the needs of your consumers and having that extra item or incentive ready...just in case.</li>
<li><b>Be approachable and available</b> (so people can talk to you): There's a level of trust people should have when they think of your brand (or the face of your brand). I find that since a number of us are often interacting with our audience online, we miss the point of being truly <i>social. </i>People should feel comfortable approaching you. I've learned that (in addition to a good work ethic), kindness is one of the driving forces behind success. So when someone reaches out for a coffee date, say yes (within reason). Don't be afraid to have conversations and get to know people. As they say, your network is your net worth, so lead with kindness and openness.</li>
<li><b>Don't take it personal (but assume others will):</b> Working in my field has taught me invaluable lessons -- one being<b> </b>leave emotions out of it. There have been times where I've felt offended at how a colleague spoke to me; undervalued because a client didn't seem appreciative; and disappointed when I didn't receive credit for an idea. And let me tell you, I'm an emotional person and often let my emotions lead. So when things happen that call for an emotionally charged response, take a breath before you respond. (Yes, you should respond to what's bothering, but learn to do so delicately and honestly without your emotions hindering your progress). From her book <i>Lean In</i>, Sheryl Sandberg says <i>"communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest, but delicately honest."</i></li>
<li><b>Always ask for feedback: </b>Lately, I've found so much value in soliciting ideas and input -- from clients, and from other colleagues in my field. Contrary to popular belief, needing help or a second opinion is not a weakness, but it's a step to finding a path forward. So, talk to your consumers or your clients. Find out what you're doing well, and find out what needs improvement. Requesting feedback can also help build your relationships with consumers, clients, or even help you form a mentor relationship with those excelling in your field already. During a recent work trip to London, I sat down with two women excelling in my field and didn't hesitate to ask for their insight on certain aspect of the job I'm still learning. For the first time since I started this journey, I exchanged ideas with women who were unafraid to grow together. That's the way forward.</li>
<li><b>Be an expert in your field: </b>Don't be content working with what you have and what you know. Constantly research, and be open to learning. If you're an influencer, read up on photography so you're well versed on how to improve your imagery. If you're in ministry, go beyond what you know and read literature on a topic you want to explore. As a fashion brand, don't stop at designing your merchandise; learn how manufacturers work, study trends and do a deep dive of your consumer market.</li>
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As a bonus, I'll add a tip I'm still mastering: <b>don't doubt yourself</b>. I'm learning that the actions I take must match up with God's word over my life. So if God tells you you are fearfully and wonderfully made, act accordingly -- stop second guessing that event you want to produce, that blog post you want to write, or that job you want to apply. You get ahead by believing you are qualified for that specific task.<br />
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<b>P.S. I have a mailing list! Sign up <a href="https://joyubani.lpages.co/join-me/" target="_blank">here</a> for marketing & PR tips directly in your mailbox.</b><br />
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WHAT I'M WEARING:</h2>
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FLORAL JACQUARD BLAZER: <a href="https://www.zara.com/us/en/floral-jacquard-blazer-p08023739.html?v1=7259061&v2=1074755" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;" target="_blank">ZARA</a></div>
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White SHIRT WITH FRONT PLEATS: <a href="https://www.zara.com/us/en/shirt-with-front-pleats-p01639161.html?v1=6522653&v2=1074623" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;" target="_blank">ZARA</a> </div>
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MOM FIT JEANS: <a href="https://www.zara.com/us/en/authentic-denim-mom-fit-jeans-p08197232.html?v1=7373218&v2=1074621" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;" target="_blank">ZARA</a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: small; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-transform: none;"><i>*Literally just realizing how much I love Zara! Ha!</i></span></div>
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PHOTOGRAPHS BY <a href="http://instagram.com/femstah" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out 0s;" target="_blank">FEMI OLUBODE</a></h2>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-86281249467888401332018-08-20T08:55:00.002-07:002018-08-20T09:15:04.369-07:00Work with me! (Intern Wanted)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Project Manager, Intern Role</h3>
I have an exciting opportunity to share! I'm looking for an intern to work with me across the <a href="http://beneathyourbeauty.com/" target="_blank">Beneath Your Beauty brand</a>. Essentially, I need a partner in crime! The focus of this role is to provide support for Beneath Your Beauty events and masterclasses. This is a very broad role that involves lots of learning, chai tea, and the occasional girls day out to Elan Cafe.<br />
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The ideal candidate will need to be resourceful, take initiative, and work fast.<br />
<b>What you should know:</b><br />
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li>The role is part time and may turn into a full-time stipend role after the initial period</li>
<li>Commitment of 2-3 days weekly is required </li>
<li>Must be London based (with weekday availability)</li>
<li>Previous experience with events is required</li>
<li>Tech savvy (proficient with Google Drive + other productivity apps)</li>
<li>Experience in social media (content creating and copy writing)</li>
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<b>Responsibilities include (not limited):</b></div>
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<li>Email management (as it relates to upcoming BYB events/masterclasses)</li>
<li>Support and lead on project management + liaising with relevant third parties</li>
<li>Support with research, design and strategy for various BYB projects (events/masterclasses)</li>
<li>Assistance with organization BYB London events/masterclasses</li>
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<b>This is initially a part-time + 3 month interim role that will begin immediately.</b></div>
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<b>To apply, click <a href="http://beneathyourbeauty.com/work-with-us/" target="_blank">here</a>.</b></div>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-10653713518245407932018-07-19T12:50:00.000-07:002018-07-19T16:06:51.068-07:005 Ways to Operate in Boldness (as you curate your brand)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I remember when I first started blogging back in 2013. If you can't recall my work from that early on, it's probably because you never actually saw my posts. I would write raw pieces based on my post-grad experiences, and document my favorite thrift finds with styling tips. Yet, I never shared any of it. I'd coyly send over each blog piece to one friend of mine. Initially, she read the posts, and emailed me a response to let me know her thoughts and words of encouragement. Eventually after about 3 months in, she asked me to stop sending them to her, challenging me to actually share them with others on social media. "You're work is good, Joy! I can't be the only one who reads it. And why have a blog if no one sees it?," she asked. (Clearly, she was annoyed). I was shook, with no response.<br />
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It makes sense, right? Write out lovely posts, take stylish outfit photos, then hide them from the world. My lack of confidence led to a point of inaction (and likely, missed opportunities). Eventually, I accepted her challenge (after I realized that she wasn't being mean, but being real), because hiding my creative side made no sense.<br />
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Believe me, since the start of my brand back in 2013 and launch of my business a year later, I've learned the power of boldness and how it can make or break the success of your brand. Here are 5 ways to operate in boldness as you curate your brand:<br />
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<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>Lean in</b>: Embrace every possibility of failure and frustration. There's no doubt that you'll encounter those days where you're stuck in middle of a great idea, and the perfect execution plan. Lean in and get ready to tackle those days with just a much grit as the days you're inspired into greatness.</li>
<li><b>Take risks</b>: I've found that progression in your career often depends on the risks you take. So, post the photo, publish the blog, sell the e-book (<a href="http://bit.ly/2msqj3r" target="_blank">ahem</a>), launch the clothing company. Take the (calculated) risk and you'll make progress towards your goal (even if you fail). Remember those Youtubers you've never heard of? Ya, me neither...</li>
<li><b>Be bold</b>: Stop caring about who's watching (because people will <i>always</i> have something to say). Make great strides no matter who sees (or who doesn't see) you. I found that my favorite brands and bloggers are the ones my friends and I call "ballsy". The ones who launch a new product, the ones who do giveaways, or the ones who post the controversial IG TV videos. They just don't care. Yet, here we are leaning in and watching them closely...well because, we actually thrive from their boldness and we are eager to witness their next big move. Their level of confidence has a positive impact on their audience. </li>
<li><b>Set the bar higher</b>: Once you lean in to the possibility of failure and claim boldness, you'll begin to operate in excellence. Set out to aim high in all that you do and stray far from mediocrity. To make your next move better than your last, go ahead and invest in the brand coach, pay for the website service, enroll in that masterclass. Up the quality in each piece of content you produce. Constantly ask yourself, "what am I doing to raise the bar higher" [for yourself and your brand]?</li>
<li><b>Believe in yourself</b>: God has equipped us with a spirit of boldness, and not one of fear (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Timothy+1%3A7&version=NIV" target="_blank">2 Timothy 1:7</a>). Once you have the vision, God has supplied us with so many resources to execute it. Believe in your God-given ability and share your craft. We're waiting for you!</li>
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What are 4 ways you will operate in boldness in the next 30 days? </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9 </blockquote>
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outfit from:</h2>
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ZARA</div>
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PHOTOGRAPHS BY <a href="http://instagram.com/femstah" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">FEMI OLUBODE</a></h2>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-45498219419371999982018-06-21T12:31:00.003-07:002018-06-23T06:39:37.538-07:007 Truths about Self-Employment + Building Your Personal Brand<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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#Bossgirl. A hashtag that you've likely seen more times than you cared to. A familiar one that I have to admit carries less weight since I actually became self-employed...or a boss girl. If I'm being honest, I never really intended to be a #bossgirl so soon. It was my human plan to work my way up the ladder, and eventually start saying "I'm my own boss" when I became a highly sought after fashion marketing guru and public relations maven. As chance would have it, here I am, a #bossgirl. Believe me, this new title has been a learning process every step of the way. Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I love my job and I actually can't see myself doing anything other than <a href="http://bybcampaign.com/branding" target="_blank">brand consulting, marketing and public relations for fashion, beauty, and wellness brands</a>. I realize daily that this is my dream job. And it is so only by the grace of God. Seriously. But, there are some things I wish I knew about self-employment before I jumped ship. This post only grazes the surface.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqsRga5EV-KYjPyEG4ShtyQemmBhY9VxPvJ2BsdaMlCjmLaZYTB0yz9b6fR9yX6_r8c_aA740RhSWSo_8pjcOWb3G4oiD0cFozXgSJQtirEA1o2lck8GM3efB1-wqaQl15ogk4Zs9NZ3A/s1600/IMG_1830+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqsRga5EV-KYjPyEG4ShtyQemmBhY9VxPvJ2BsdaMlCjmLaZYTB0yz9b6fR9yX6_r8c_aA740RhSWSo_8pjcOWb3G4oiD0cFozXgSJQtirEA1o2lck8GM3efB1-wqaQl15ogk4Zs9NZ3A/s1600/IMG_1830+%25281%2529.jpg" /></a><br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li><b>You will feel fear: </b>It's almost inevitable. I've come to realize that while you're on the pursuit of self-employment, feeling fear is not absent from the journey. As confident as you might be while you're on the journey there are moments when fear will come knocking. For me, fear kicks in during times where I'm tasked to make a big decision, one that impacts myself and my (one amazing) employee. But when you feel the fear, do the task anyway. Take that leap regardless. No matter the outcome, the reward is knowing you've done it and not held back.</li>
<li><b>You can't leave anything up to chance:</b> When I think of self-employment, the first words that come to mind are <b>action and reaction</b>. Every step you take will have an outcome, be it positive or negative. People fail to realize that the first step in becoming self-employed is being <b>accountable</b> taking that leap...whether you have everything figured out or not. If you work in an industry that makes your job dependent on securing clients, producing content, building a network...you can't survive on chance and hoping for favorable results. You get what you put in.</li>
<li><b>You must find time to rest:</b> Being self-employed does not mean you are trading your 9-5 for a 9-9 (or whatever they say), it means you are learning to manage your time, prioritize tasks, and rest when the burden gets heavy. (<a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/11-28.htm" target="_blank">Matthew 11:28</a>). There really <u>is</u> such thing as being a workaholic. But don't give in to the hype of cultivating a 24 hour work environment. Avoid burnout and be mindful about setting time out for rest. After all, if you want to give your clients your very best, how can you pour from an empty vessel?</li>
<li><b>It's <strike>okay</strike> necessary to set boundaries </b>(with clients and with family): I absolutely love getting phone calls, text messages, and emails! I get excited for human contact and always think it's sweet that someone took the time to reach out and say hello or make an inquiry. I'm learning that in order for me to have moments of rest, I must set (and abide by) my office hours. As much as I love people, I can't reply at the immediate ping of a notification...and that's okay. #icantkillmyself.</li>
<li><b>I actually get annoyed when people ask me "did you get a lot done today"?:</b> LOL. I'm realizing that there are some days I spend waiting. While you can't leave everything up to chance, you also have to exercise patience. There are only so many emails to send out, and so much research to do. When you ask if we got a lot done, it slyly implies that perhaps we're just sitting at home watching Netflix, and aimlessly scrolling through our Instagram timelines.</li>
<li><b>Be assertive without being aggressive:</b> When you're your own boss, you literally have no one else around to get in the rings for you. As an employee, when it gets rough you can turn to your supervisor or HR and seek advise from colleagues when you need resources or a second opinion. I'm learning the art of confidence and the power of exercising my voice (without leaving a negative impression on a client). This means being assertive when negotiating contracts and pay, being bold and speaking up when you feel under-appreciated, and utilizing your resources (mentors, network, Google), when you have questions.</li>
<li><b>Realize that <u>you</u> are your brand:</b> This one is my favorite and probably one of the most important lessons I'm learning so far. As my own boss (as obvious as this may seem), I've come to realize that I must carry myself in such a way that offers an accurate representation of my brand. With confidence. In the age of social media, we can create content that depicts a brand message and aesthetic that we want our audience to associate us with. I'm learning that this also should transcend into my everyday. For example, dressing in such a way that aligns with my brand's story, speaking in a way that articulates my brand message, and interacting with everyone in a way that says #bossgirl.</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYFoPhyphenhyphene5VRo7gHtoTXA2B5PNdSUqVRDqwxRE5Fbn43iLqsu9D20M71am5f80jJ3rMBoPpfa84QvoQcZSXOBLBw7fZAOVxf-3jx3Kmi4D-jUPwQX6Qvlq7DBLQ5tqarzJanFRyxN7i7Ws/s1600/IMG_1621.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYFoPhyphenhyphene5VRo7gHtoTXA2B5PNdSUqVRDqwxRE5Fbn43iLqsu9D20M71am5f80jJ3rMBoPpfa84QvoQcZSXOBLBw7fZAOVxf-3jx3Kmi4D-jUPwQX6Qvlq7DBLQ5tqarzJanFRyxN7i7Ws/s1600/IMG_1621.jpg" /></a></h3>
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If you're interested in building your personal brand (or business brand), I've created a brand audit to help you with my last point. </h4>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bit.ly/joysbrandaudit" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsYAM7z0zWz1JDyU3nyh2uFkc5RPY3o-IBZoJNEz2uPz1MKyhzKhahJ07vqtsYkFslji4KEFI0DFdz8tqo_wqZ6qWTVb1e4avFOpA_DwoM0HMoOqkeJ_gklrTNMWh34tvdctGIXU-f9Us/s640/Brand+Audit.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bit.ly/joysbrandaudit" target="_blank"><br /></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
<br />
Download it <a href="http://bit.ly/joysbrandaudit" target="_blank">here</a> for free! </h4>
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Any hacks on self-employment? I'd love to hear your stories & truths you're discovering along the way. Share with me on insta or on the comments below :)</div>
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WHAT I'M WEARING:</h2>
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Red crepe blazer: <a href="https://www.zara.com/us/en/crepe-blazer-p02401778.html?v1=6849131&v2=1074648" target="_blank">Zara</a></div>
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White Joshua 1:9 Scripture tee: <a href="https://www.forever21.com/us/shop/catalog/product/f21/top_blouses/2000282111" target="_blank">forever 21</a> </div>
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red mini skirt: <a href="https://www.zara.com/uk/en/mini-skirt-with-bow-detail-p09878065.html?v1=6028589&v2=731583" target="_blank">zara</a></div>
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PHOTOGRAPHS BY <a href="http://instagram.com/femstah" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">Femi Olubode</a></h2>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-28382215395779196822018-02-27T07:39:00.000-08:002018-02-27T08:00:39.815-08:00Branding for Beauty: How to Create a Consumer Profile<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hey loves!<br />
These past few weeks have been incredibly full and an absolute blessing. I traveled to Mexico to celebrate my sister's last couple months as a single lady, brought in my 27th birthday, then flew to London for yet another Beneath Your Beauty event.<br />
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I had a chance to catch up with a friend while in London (who recently launched a <a href="http://trashgxng.co.uk/" target="_blank">fashion label</a>) and he brought it to my attention that I've been a business owner for four years *insert sweaty/smiley emoji* Truth be told, I didn't even realize it's been four whole years since launching Beneath Your Beauty and building my branding and marketing agency! God is so faithful.<br />
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One thing I wish I did when I first launched Beneath Your Beauty, is build a consumer profile. (I finally built one two years ago, and it's been so helpful in attracting a specific audience and making our content/events more niche).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5ebyGPg0czuFL48Jpzw7WfLiAUgoThyphenhypheng8DqB7b-2nUckWsXvRsWauNZl9aOu5_Nf3JGxRgT2RJINBX2XYUSJMyEcVZsPjaVlUqOZ-wKNcg5QOz5AVg0cbPS4SCR2Dh93ZSmnDjhWTiw/s1600/IMG_8263.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-5ebyGPg0czuFL48Jpzw7WfLiAUgoThyphenhypheng8DqB7b-2nUckWsXvRsWauNZl9aOu5_Nf3JGxRgT2RJINBX2XYUSJMyEcVZsPjaVlUqOZ-wKNcg5QOz5AVg0cbPS4SCR2Dh93ZSmnDjhWTiw/s1600/IMG_8263.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b>What's a consumer profile (or persona)?</b><br />
A consumer profile is a way of describing your ideal consumer (very specifically) in order for you to create content and/or products that specifically appeal to them. Creating consumer profiles will allow you to reach your consumers more effectively. Now, it's possible you have more than one type of ideal customer (maybe you have more than one focus area), so don't hesitate to play around and have fun when creating your consumer profiles! Without getting too much in depth, I'm sharing things to consider when building your consumer profile.<br />
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<b>5 Things to Consider When Creating Your Consumer Profile:</b><br />
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<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>What she values: It's important to have an idea of what your ideal consumer values. This can honestly be anything. Maybe she values family time, saving money, getting to see the world, or equality. Making this determination will enable you to deliver content directly in line with her values.</li>
<li>How she spends her time: Think about a day in her shoes. Where does she go after work? How does she prioritize her time? How much time does she spend browsing through social media?</li>
<li>How she shops (clothes, food, household): This is my favourite one because I'm an avid shopper. You're ideal consumer probably is too. Consider whether she shops online, in stores, (or in her friend's closets). What are her favourite stores? If you're building a fashion brand, where does get her fashion inspiration?</li>
<li>Her current status (demographic): Where does your ideal consumer live? Is she in a particular age bracket? Is she employed or in school? If so, where? Consider where she works and how much she might earn (hint: this will help you determine your price points if you are selling any content/products).</li>
<li>Her dreams and aspirations: It's also important to cater to the woman your ideal consumer aspires to become. Consider her hopes and dreams and deliver content that will help her reach her personal full potential.</li>
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These points might seem overwhelming at first glance. Don't be afraid to have more than one consumer profile (maybe you aspire to reach more than one type of person). You might also consider allowing your brand to evolve as your ideal consumer also evolves. Why is this all so important? Because in order for your niche content or product to have an impact, you have to identify a clear target. <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 14.3px;">Click </span><a href="http://bybcampaign.com/branding" style="background-color: white; color: #777777; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14.3px; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;" target="_blank">here</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "georgia"; font-size: 14.3px;"> to access additional resources and keep an eye out for more posts in this segment! </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "juliette_reg" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; letter-spacing: 2px; text-transform: uppercase;">PHOTOGRAPHY BY Sylvia Chuku</span></div>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-35696819186845547182018-01-26T18:46:00.002-08:002018-01-31T17:46:35.406-08:00How I Learned to Stop Waiting for an Applause and Start Clapping for Myself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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When I first began my blog back in 2013 (a few days after graduating from college), I was committed to sharing the <b>real</b> of being a twenty-something, chasing dreams, and knocking on every door. Unfortunately, some of the journey comes with disappointment and hard lessons you <b>have to </b>master if you want to make it.<br />
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So let's get back to that. In this post I want to share a lesson that's dear to my heart: <b>how I learned to stop waiting for people to clap for me.</b><br />
<b>THIS. </b>I hope y'all hear me and get this.<br />
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For a while I felt severely under-appreciated in almost all aspects of my life. Forget the fact that I felt so underwhelmed by the level of support I was receiving from friends. Let me tell y'all...it was rough. During the times I completed a task, submitted a project proposal, or produced content/events, the room was silent. I would look around and expect the people around me to cheer me on and rejoice as I crossed the finish line. The silence was deafening. The people I thought cared did not show up for me in the way I expected. After a while I resolved to take a break from creativity. Because if no one cares about your success there's obviously no point in trying right? <b>Wrong. </b>(I hope you didn't nod your head in agreement there. But if you did, I'm here for you #bossgirl).<br />
I only grew more frustrated trying to figure it all out. I had questions: I'm doing so well, why won't you clap for me? I'm living out my dream, do you see me? I'm trying to impress you, why don't you care?<br />
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I allowed their silence to stifle my growth.<br />
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Then one day I realized I couldn't sit on the desires that God had given me. I had to take a step back and go back to my why. I had to heal and learn to love myself enough to use my gifts. I learned to understand that I was not <b>creating</b> nor was I <b>created</b> to please others. That my efforts were still powerful despite who was watching. So I kept creating without waiting for people to validate me. I continued to share my gifts as though I were unrestrained. I kept diving in, showing up, and vowing to show out, without expecting a round of applause.<br />
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If we aren't careful we can spend our entire life sitting on our dreams and talents because we expect from people what they have no authority to give us: validation. Now is the time to realize how invaluable you are and walk with the understanding that your work is meaningful despite who sees your efforts.<br />
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Remember your success is in your why, not in the level of noise people make when you achieve great things.</blockquote>
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Rooted at it all, I later realized, was a desire to please others. I had neglected my number one assignment: to please God.<br />
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You're living your life for an audience of one - God. And so long as you're doing all that you can with everything He has given you, proceed in clapping for yourself without man's approval. We have to stop expecting people to give us what only God can give us: <b>validation. </b>Your ultimate reward for being obedient and using the talents He has blessed you with lies in heaven.<br />
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Believe me, the ones who did clap were ever so present. They encouraged me to do more, keep pushing, and dream bigger. They motivated me to do greater exploits with what God gave me.<br />
Stop waiting for those who don't cheer you on. Start listening to those who tell you to dream bigger and do more. Work to please God and watch your joy rise.<br />
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<i><i>Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.</i></i></div>
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<i>- Revelation 4:11</i><br />
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2264004970276204566.post-90007105464052547612018-01-22T20:28:00.000-08:002018-01-25T08:25:13.923-08:00How to Petite: Culottes x The Monochrome Effect<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hey loves! I haven't done a just style post on my blog in ages! I'll be starting a section on my blog focusing on style tips, particularly for petite women, like moi! So when you guys see "HowtoPetite" headlining a post, get ready for style tips! (Fun fact, I'm actually 5 feet tall and quite slim, but I have to admit that the camera probably does a great job of deceiving y'all lol). If you're like me, you've probably struggled to search for clothes that are professional and/or segciii without looking like a bag of potatoes (lol). Well, I got you boo!<br />
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I'm kicking off this #howtopetite installment with my new favorite closet add-on: culottes. In the past couple months, I've added 3 pairs to my closet (it's safe to say that I'm almost obsessed). Culottes are typically known to fall right at the calve, but for us over here on the shorter side, the length can be over exaggerated, so usually deemed a no-no for us petite girls. I've shared a few style tips to make your culotte wearing more fun (especially if your favorite store does not have a petite collection).<br />
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<li>Boost the length of your legs by <b>showing some skin</b> and wearing a heeled shoe. I chose rose gold straps for these white trousers. Matching your shoes to your skin as best as you can make your legs appear longer. By allowing a bit of skin to peak out below the ankle (or sticking with nude tones), you lengthen your legs a bit more.</li>
<li>Go for <b>high waisted</b> culottes and balance the volume. When I wear culottes I have to admit that I sometimes feel like I'm getting lost in the garment (lol). Because of all the volume at the bottom of the culottes, it can feel a bit baggy. To avoid this, I always go for high waisted culottes and paired them with a tucked in blouse that shows the waistline. This slightly accentuates my figure and lengthens the body (for those of us who have a shorter torso).</li>
<li>Keep it <b>monochrome and match your pants</b>. Finally, depending on the look you're going for, you can never go wrong with matching your culottes and your top. For this look, I went a white top for a monochromatic look (which usually always works to make me look/feel more chic and mature), paired with a colored tweed blazer which was fitted so it worked to define my body and complement the contrasting wider bottoms. I loved how when pieced together this outfit produced what I like to call "the monochrome effect" (or the "jumpsuit effect"). Monochrome (wearing one color/shade) typically makes you appear taller and more slender. The monochrome theme really made the set look as though it were all one piece. I got tons of compliments and got super excited when people said they loved my "jumpsuit"!</li>
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I hope this was a tad helpful for some of y'all! Let me know where you girls shop for culottes! (I obviously need to add more to my closet). Oh and you can see other ways I've styled culottes <a href="http://www.joyubani.com/2017/12/dontcallmestubborn.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://www.joyubani.com/2018/01/how-discipline-can-help-you-and-your.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Happy styling!<br />
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WHAT I'M WEARING:</h2>
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Culottes: Topshop (shop similar style <a href="http://us.topshop.com/en/tsus/product/cropped-wide-leg-trousers-6710249?bi=0&ps=20&Ntt=white%20trousers" style="color: #777777; margin: 0px !important; max-width: 100%; text-decoration-line: none; transition: all 0.25s ease-out;">here</a>)</div>
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Ivory Strappy Cami: Miss Selfridge (shop <a href="http://www.asos.com/miss-selfridge/miss-selfridge-strappy-cami/prd/8212769" target="_blank">here</a>)</div>
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Short Jacket: H&M (shop similar style <a href="http://www.hm.com/us/product/75184?article=75184-B&cm_vc=PRA1" target="_blank">here</a>)</div>
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Joy Ubanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17746881202068550802noreply@blogger.com0