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Earlier this year I was forced to let go of something I was so sure was meant for me. It happened twice this year, actually. The first was getting rejected from the a graduate program of my dreams (big gulp, because I haven't shared this loss publicly), and the second was another form of a closed door (massive gulp, because I'm still processing this one).
I mean, with every fiber in my being, I believed that these very specific places and paths were both for me. So much so, that I aligned many of my future plans to flow seamlessly with these plans and open doors. So when the resounding rejections indicated that it was time to let go of these dreams, I resisted. I fought hard and instead of being quick to let go and choose another path, I instead created room in my thoughts and in my behaviors to hold on. I mourned. I grieved. I bargained. I assessed alternative paths. I plotted. I cried. I entertained depressive thoughts. I gave room to anxiety. And I repeated each thought and behavior so much, that I put myself in emotional distress. Have you been here before?
In my thought and behavior process, I was committed to chaos. I committed to a mayhem that was disruptive of every forward movement that would allow me to let go. Hell, I didn't even want to let go. It felt better to contend with the chaos of rejection, rather than embrace the peace of release.
In the midst of our resistance to rejection, we fail to read the glaringly obvious signs: rejection (of the things we so profoundly desire and hold on to) is not an indicator that we need to try again, try harder, or that we are not enough. Instead, it's a much needed indication that who we are now is no longer congruent with the desires we once marked. It's an invitation to let go of what no longer serves us.
But, when we hold on to what no longer serves us, we commit to chaos. When we choose to hold on, we choose to embrace emotional dys-regulation and become profoundly misaligned with who we are and what we need right now.
In what areas do you find yourself fighting for what isn't working? Why are you fighting?
Here's your reminder to resist chaos.
I have a love/hate relationship with birthdays. In addition to them being a joyful time to celebrate life, to spoil yourself, to reflect on blessings, for me birthdays are also a time to measure how far I've progressed. I know I just turned 24 (yaay!) but for some reason I feel so OLD! I'm knocking on 25 and 30 is only around the corner! Yikes! I've experienced so much in the past year. 23 for me was a year of growth. A year of figuring out and realizing who God wants me to be...& how He desires to use me..So 24 needs to be a year of progression & preparation to step into my role. I've spent the past few weeks mulling over a mental to do list of realistic things I want to accomplish before I hit the big 2 5 - and in writing these things out (and sharing them with you all) I can only hope it will help in keeping me accountable!
- Earn my master's of science in Psychology
- Make a financial plan! (savings plan, budgeting plan..etc...the future is closer than I think!).
- Learn about investing my money (stocks, shares...all that jazz).
- Stay organized! Discipline my self to religiously write down life plans, business goals & career goals....As a student and passionpreneur I'm definitely organized now, but as more things come I think it's imperative that I form a system that will not only keep me organized but also keep me accountable.
- Perfect 5 go- to meals...I like to think I can throw down in the kitchen...but I need to perfect 5 Nigerian meals before I leave my father's house..ha! Jollof rice, pepper soup, egusi soup, stewed meat, my mother's fried rice!
- Create a 5 year plan...I'm all about writing down my goals- but now it's time to write out where I see myself in the next 5 years...one year at a time (Yikes! So scary to think that I'll be 29!!! Lord, be a fence!).
- Attend more conferences! (women's, business, culture...etc)
- Perfect 2 go-to hairstyle that I know I can rock!...I love experimenting with my hair..I'm a fan of changing my hairstyle every other month & can switch from faux locs, to crochet braids, then back to a wig in a matter of weeks! But as I get older I think it will be beneficial to just switch between one or two hairstyles...(no fun!).
- Own at least 3 go-to outfit essentials.
- denim jeans/blazer
- little black dress
- interview outfit (preferably a chic black dress)!
- oh..can't forget classic "nude" & classic black pumps!
- Learn how to make my make-up "on fleek"....I'm a fan of makeup but hardly a pro...it looks nice on people but I just can't be bothered with spending time to fill in my eyebrows and contour my cheek bones!...gotta do better so I can be "shine shine gal" (Naija accent)!
- Be beautiful..be confident...be fierce...not that fake confidence or that fake beauty...not the one where I look cute on social media but am actually a mess in real life. But the kind where I can step into a room and not be afraid to speak my mind, the kind where I'm bold enough to share my opinions, the kind where I'm not hesitant to let my personality spice up a conversation..and the kind of fierceness that will make me believe that my beauty is authentic.
- Learn a new language...like almost every Californian I took Spanish in school and can speak the basics. I currently live in Europe...so I told myself that I can't leave this continent without learning a new language! Oh & on that note I need to practice my native tongues! (Yes, tongues..lol..I'm Ijaw so my family's native languages are Ijaw, Obolo, and Igbo..ya girl has lots of learning to do..pray for me)!!
- Visit a foreign country...by myself....get immersed in another culture, interact with new people..lose myself in the midst of newness..be brave...take risks... As Paul Coehlo said: Nothing can substitute experience. And what greater an experience than taking a risk (but a cautious one) on my own?
- Take on more challenges..whether that's hiking up an incredible mountain, speaking in front of a crowd, serving God in a way I never expected or planned...
- Be on time and stick to a schedule.
The best thing about a to-do list is being able to cross items off once you've accomplished them.I'm excited to look at this list daily and track my progression over the next several months! (Inspired by my fab blogger friend Vic Styles)!
Outfit details:
Y'all know I had to step into 24 with class and a little sass! I wore this number to afternoon tea in Marylebone (London's West End) to celebrate my birthday :D
