Joy Ubani

#Bossgirl. A hashtag that you've likely seen more times than you cared to. A familiar one that I have to admit carries less weight since I actually became self-employed...or a boss girl. If I'm being honest, I never really intended to be a #bossgirl so soon. It was my human plan to work my way up the ladder, and eventually start saying "I'm my own boss" when I became a highly sought after fashion marketing guru and public relations maven. As chance would have it, here I am, a #bossgirl. Believe me, this new title has been a learning process every step of the way. Let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I love my job and I actually can't see myself doing anything other than brand consulting, marketing and public relations for fashion, beauty, and wellness brands. I realize daily that this is my dream job. And it is so only by the grace of God. Seriously. But, there are some things I wish I knew about self-employment before I jumped ship. This post only grazes the surface.

1. You will feel fear: It's almost inevitable. I've come to realize that while you're on the pursuit of self-employment, feeling fear is not absent from the journey. As confident as you might be while you're on the journey there are moments when fear will come knocking. For me, fear kicks in during times where I'm tasked to make a big decision, one that impacts myself and my (one amazing) employee. But when you feel the fear, do the task anyway. Take that leap regardless. No matter the outcome, the reward is knowing you've done it and not held back.
2. You can't leave anything up to chance: When I think of self-employment, the first words that come to mind are action and reaction. Every step you take will have an outcome, be it positive or negative. People fail to realize that the first step in becoming self-employed is being accountable taking that leap...whether you have everything figured out or not. If you work in an industry that makes your job dependent on securing clients, producing content, building a network...you can't survive on chance and hoping for favorable results. You get what you put in.
3. You must find time to rest: Being self-employed does not mean you are trading your 9-5 for a 9-9 (or whatever they say), it means you are learning to manage your time, prioritize tasks, and rest when the burden gets heavy. (Matthew 11:28). There really is such thing as being a workaholic. But don't give in to the hype of cultivating a 24 hour work environment. Avoid burnout and be mindful about setting time out for rest. After all, if you want to give your clients your very best, how can you pour from an empty vessel?
4. It's okay necessary to set boundaries (with clients and with family): I absolutely love getting phone calls, text messages, and emails! I get excited for human contact and always think it's sweet that someone took the time to reach out and say hello or make an inquiry. I'm learning that in order for me to have moments of rest, I must set (and abide by) my office hours. As much as I love people, I can't reply at the immediate ping of a notification...and that's okay. #icantkillmyself.
5. I actually get annoyed when people ask me "did you get a lot done today"?: LOL. I'm realizing that there are some days I spend waiting. While you can't leave everything up to chance, you also have to exercise patience. There are only so many emails to send out, and so much research to do. When you ask if we got a lot done, it slyly implies that perhaps we're just sitting at home watching Netflix, and aimlessly scrolling through our Instagram timelines.
6. Be assertive without being aggressive: When you're your own boss, you literally have no one else around to get in the rings for you. As an employee, when it gets rough you can turn to your supervisor or HR and seek advise from colleagues when you need resources or a second opinion. I'm learning the art of confidence and the power of exercising my voice (without leaving a negative impression on a client). This means being assertive when negotiating contracts and pay, being bold and speaking up when you feel under-appreciated, and utilizing your resources (mentors, network, Google), when you have questions.
7. Realize that you are your brand: This one is my favorite and probably one of the most important lessons I'm learning so far. As my own boss (as obvious as this may seem), I've come to realize that I must carry myself in such a way that offers an accurate representation of my brand. With confidence. In the age of social media, we can create content that depicts a brand message and aesthetic that we want our audience to associate us with. I'm learning that this also should transcend into my everyday. For example, dressing  in such a way that aligns with my brand's story, speaking in a way that articulates my brand message, and interacting with everyone in a way that says #bossgirl.

When I first began my blog back in 2013 (a few days after graduating from college), I was committed to sharing the real of being a twenty-something, chasing dreams, and knocking on every door. Unfortunately, some of the journey comes with disappointment and hard lessons you have to master if you want to make it.

So let's get back to that. In this post I want to share a lesson that's dear to my heart: how I learned to stop waiting for people to clap for me.
THIS. I hope y'all hear me and get this.

For a while I felt severely under-appreciated in almost all aspects of my life. Forget the fact that I felt so underwhelmed by the level of support I was receiving from  friends. Let me tell y'all...it was rough. During the times I completed a task, submitted a project proposal, or produced content/events, the room was silent. I would look around and expect the people around me to cheer me on and rejoice as I crossed the finish line. The silence was deafening. The people I thought cared did not show up for me in the way I expected. After a while I resolved to take a break from creativity. Because if no one cares about your success there's obviously no point in trying right? Wrong. (I hope you didn't nod your head in agreement there. But if you did, I'm here for you #bossgirl).
I only grew more frustrated trying to figure it all out. I had questions: I'm doing so well, why won't you clap for me? I'm living out my dream, do you see me? I'm trying to impress you, why don't you care?

I allowed their silence to stifle my growth.

Then one day I realized I couldn't sit on the desires that God had given me. I had to take a step back and go back to my why. I had to heal and learn to love myself enough to use my gifts. I learned to understand that I was not creating nor was I created to please others. That my efforts were still powerful despite who was watching. So I kept creating without waiting for people to validate me. I continued to share my gifts as though I were unrestrained. I kept diving in, showing up, and vowing to show out, without expecting a round of applause.

If we aren't careful we can spend our entire life sitting on our dreams and talents because we expect from people what they have no authority to give us: validation. Now is the time to realize how invaluable you are and walk with the understanding that your work is meaningful despite who sees your efforts.

Remember your success is in your why, not in the level of noise people make when you achieve great things.

Rooted at it all, I later realized, was a desire to please others. I had neglected my number one assignment: to please God.

You're living your life for an audience of one - God. And so long as you're doing all that you can with everything He has given you, proceed in clapping for yourself without man's approval. We have to stop expecting people to give us what only God can give us: validation. Your ultimate reward for being obedient and using the talents He has blessed you with lies in heaven.

Believe me, the ones who did clap were ever so present. They encouraged me to do more, keep pushing, and dream bigger. They motivated me to do greater exploits with what God gave me.
Stop waiting for those who don't cheer you on. Start listening to those who tell you to dream bigger and do more. Work to please God and watch your joy rise.

Okay so we are nine whole days into the new year, and while some of us felt the high of inspiration during the first few days of the month, that inspiration has died down for others. You might still talk about your goals and share them with others (because this makes them more real, right)? But after a while, your lack of discipline and your desire for inspiration will hold you right where you are and keep your goals from coming to fruition (reality check!). It's true that you can't always feel inspired, creative, or motivated. We can't always depend on this high to fuel our work. You can have every intention to thrive and accomplish every task, but if you never discipline yourself to sit down and work, honestly, you might never achieve what you need.

Let's talk about discipline:

Discipline is more than motivation. Discipline pushes past the desire to quit when inspiration or motivation run out. Discipline is the habit of acting in the moment based on a decision you made in advance, regardless of your feelings. It's the action that binds you by your will, not your emotions. - She's Still There by Chrystal Evans Hurst

Through my experiences with my brand and with clients, I’ve worked out tips to stay disciplined so that your brand (and you) can flourish this year (even when you feel like hope is lost).

1. Implement the "first five minutes rule":

My friend and client, Mahawa Kamara (founder of The Soap Connoisseur) recently told me about the “first 5 minutes rule” she started implementing. She schedules time to work on a task and in that first five minutes she must work on it, non stop. This is for tasks you’ve been reluctant to do because they might seem difficult or overwhelming. Do it any way…commit to working for just 5 minutes. Oftentimes you’ll find that an hour has passed and you’ve actually completed your task!

Check out The Soap Connoisseur here.

2. Create a routine and be consistent:

I’ve found that committing to one thing every day and doing it the same way, helps to keep me organized and work more efficiently.

Lately I've been really into monochromatic looks, trousers, and all black. I went on a shopping haul a few weeks ago (okay when I say "haul" I mean I bought 2 items because my bank asked me to calm down). When I picked up these wide-legged trousers from H&M I couldn't wait to pair them with this Forever 21 black turtle neck. As a petite girl, all black makes me appear more slender, and the wide-legged trousers gives me the appearance of "legs for days!" To complete, the monochromatic look, I carried a berry red handbag for the final pop of color.

How to wear all black? Confidently and with a pop of color.

In light of adding some sass to your wardrobe, let's chat about adding value to your community, shall we!

I recently had dinner with a friend of mine (in my all black ensemble but of course). He recently moved to another state for work and we got on the subject of making new friends, and rebuilding community in his new home. In conversation, he gently asked if I were part of a community. See, I pride myself in "doing bad all by myself." In my ability to balance counseling, entrepreneurship, and a "social life" (aka lack thereof). So coyly, I shook my head "no" to answer my friend's question.

Then more stern this time, my friend emphasized the value of being a part of one. This question really made me think -- about the importance of community, my community, and the greater question: how to build a community.

In the Bible, we read several scriptures highlighting the importance of community. In Genesis 2:18, God points out that "it is not good for man to be alone;" Hebrews 10 discusses the importance of encouraging one another; and 1 John 1 advocates for having fellowship with one another.

As Christians we are called to support, love, and grow...together. We're called to blend our lives, not balance busy. We can't do it alone.

Now when building your brand (or even developing yourself as an individual) the essence of community is not to be overlooked. Community is encouraging, life giving, and helps to strengthen.
I've shared 3 tips below on ways to build your community (which can be applied to your brand or your personal life).

Always (actively) engage: 

• As a brand, you likely use social media to reach your target audience. In order to build community in this space, be sure you are actively engaging with your audience/followers. Be present; express your thoughts by not only liking photos, but also writing comments. It goes a long way to also reply to comments posted under your product photos. The goal is for followers to see that you are present and that they are visible.
• As an individual: it's likely that there are people around you who reach out to you! Avoid isolating yourself and try saying "yes" to a dinner party invitation, or one on one coffee dates. While you're there, be present. Do you best to carry conversations, and show that you care by listening and responding.

Collaboration is key: 

• As a brand: A great way to ignite more conversation is through collaboration. Find a blogger/brand ambassador/influencer that mirrors your values and pair up! Curate a giveaway or a blog post. Team up to charter a social media campaign. Collaboration lets your audience know that you are plugged in and care about the greater mission that's backing your brand's story. Also, its a fun and easy way to build buzz around your brand!
• As an individual: The festive season is upon us! This is the time of year for not only celebrating, but also giving. Team up with friends and family to give back to the community. (Hint: gathering your small group to feed/give to families in need?) Work together to celebrate the reason for the season by organizing a holiday party. It's true that two heads are better than one!

Be inclusive (and kind): 

• As a brand: Strive to make people feel like they can be a part of something special. Take a look at your target audience personas and make sure each person is being reached in your messaging and imagery.
• As an individual: Invite everyone! (Well, not everyone...keep it safe, y'all). When in conversation, make an effort to make sure you've included everyone you're out with. Spare the one-on-one conversation for duo coffee dates. If you're the shy type (like me), make an intentional effort to approach a (small) group of people and get involved!